Too little, too late
by TwilightSpeed
Summary: Picks up from New Moon. What if Bella never went cliff diving? What if Edward came back of his own free will, but what if Bella had already moved on?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first ever fanfic. Comments and reviews would be nice. I own nothing, sadly. **

_Picks up from New Moon, Chapter 15 – Pressure, page 352. This is when Bella goes to La Push to go cliff diving with Jacob._

_Chapter Song – Older I Get by Skillet._

_I'm just getting older,_

_I'm not getting over you._

_I'm trying to wish_

_It didn't hurt like this…_

I woke up relatively early, anticipation lingering in my stomach. Today I would get one of my own delusional fixes. I think I finally understood Edward when he called me his 'own personal brand of heroin'. Hearing his voice inside my head just made everything else bearable, even the pain I knew that would follow later. It made no sense to pursue these delusions; no mentally sound sense anyway. However, knowing that Edward was real, that my subconscious remembered him in such clarity that it was able to produce the idea that he cared, it was putting a plaster on the gaping hole in my chest. A very flimsy plaster, but it kept me together long enough to know that he existed.

With excitement flooding my movements, I quickly got out of bed and looked out of the window. Charlie had already gone to work, so I didn't have to worry about being sneaky with extra clothing. I jumped in the shower, and thought about what today would hold. I knew I would be safe jumping off cliffs with Jake, he wouldn't let any harm get to me. It was also clear that I needed to decide whether I wanted just a friendship with Jacob, or more. I may be mentally unstable, but no matter what I wanted, Edward was never coming back. Busy with his distractions, it was highly doubtful he ever even thought of me, especially not as much as I thought of him. Retrospective thinking showed how obvious it was that I was much more obsessed with him than he was with me. If he ever even was, and I didn't believe anything he had ever said anymore, so I doubted that also. So, it left me thinking; I loved Jacob, not in the same way as Edward, but he held me together. Without him, I wouldn't know what to do. Surely it would be okay to be with Jake? I'd have to tell him how completely and utterly broken I was and admit to the delusions, but I think he'd still take me.

I finished off showering, and started to get myself ready for the day still thinking about my situation with Jacob. I was going to tell Jacob everything today, and just pray it would work out. Today was also going to be my last 'date' with Edward. I wouldn't keep risking my life for a voice that never loved me. I threw on some clothes, and put my hair up in a pony tail. Grabbing my backpack for school, I took out all my school books and put in a change of clothing and a towel. I then went downstairs and got myself some breakfast. I sat staring out the window while eating, and noted that although it was typically overcast, there was not much wind and it seemed to be a nice day for Forks. I glanced at the clock, and decided it was time to make my way to La Push. I wanted to talk to Jake before I had my last delusion.

I expected to see Jacob waiting outside his house like he normally does when he hears my truck rumble closer. He wasn't there however, which sent a shock throughout my whole body. I went to knock on the door, and heard Billy call gently to come in. I took one look at Billy's face, and I knew something was wrong.

"Where's Jacob? Is he sleeping?" I asked, trying not to sound too worried. Billy looked at me while he decided how to explain something which I automatically believed would be bad news. He sighed wearily, and told me to take a seat. I complied.

"No, Jake's not asleep, Bella. Embry, Paul and Jared came across a fresh trail earlier this morning." I felt the colour drain from my face. "Listen, Bella, don't worry. They know what they're doing. Jacob's out with the pack, they think they have a good chance of getting her this time. It'll all be over soon." I was glad Billy told me to sit down. The thought of Jacob, my Jacob, out there, against _her_, against…Victoria… It was heartbreaking, too much so. I sat stunned in silence, and Billy came to me to try and comfort me. "Do you really like La Push that much that you want to stay here?" he asked, jokingly. I just continued to stare horrorstruck. He sighed, clearly giving up with comforting me. When he had turned his back, I stood up. "Bella?"

"I'll be down on the beach, can you tell Jacob that? Please? I need to get some fresh air, help clear my head."

"Sure, sure. But don't worry about them, they'll come home fine. Jake will come back fine, believe me." He sounded so sure that I did manage to breathe a little easier. I went outside and welcomed the sea air, and slowly walked down onto the beach. I was worried about Jacob, but it wasn't just that. I was disappointed because I was sure that when he got back from hunting Victoria, he wouldn't want to talk. What if someone got hurt? He'd blame me, because it was my fault Victoria was here in the first place. He'd end up hating me, and how could I talk about how I love him, when I know that he hates me? I went to sit on the sand, and curled up tightly, with my head on my knees. Vampires, I thought bitterly, they ruin everything. If it wasn't for Victoria, I would be with Jacob right now, and this ache in my chest wouldn't be so bad. If it wasn't for Victoria, I would be at liberty to go whether I want without fear of someone I love getting hurt. If it wasn't for her, my Jacob wouldn't be a werewolf. If it wasn't for the bloodlust vampires feel, my 18th birthday would not have been so disastrous and _he_ would not have seen me for the lowly human I was. Actually, if it wasn't for vampires, I wouldn't be broken. If it wasn't for vampires, Edward Cullen would never have complicated my life and stolen my heart.

No, I didn't wish that. I couldn't. I couldn't curse all vampires, because for Edward not to exist was an unbearable thought. He was too kind, too pure, and too selfless to not be real. Or at least, that was the romanticised image I had of him. He left me wandering in the forest; he lied for months about how much he loved me… Yes, I still loved Edward Cullen with every piece of my broken heart, but my opinion of him is forever changed. Jacob had shown me decency, and he had shown me that I could do better than Edward. And this is why I loved Jacob, not with the same intensity, and not with the same passion that I love Edward with, but I love Jacob enough. Enough for me to be happy to be held by him, to be with him. But would it be enough for Jacob? I didn't know.

While I sat on the beach pondering, it started to rain. The rain was soothing, hitting my face so that if anyone took just a quick glance, it wouldn't look like I was crying. I was crying though, and it was because I was finally ready for say goodbye and move on. There was fear in my tears as well, because I knew this resolve may not last long, and I needed to say goodbye today, or I never would. But to do that, I needed a delusion, I needed to talk to Jacob and I needed my one last reckless act. I looked up at the cliff, and decided to do it anyway. Jacob would understand, I hope. Or maybe he need never know. I quickly got up and headed back to my truck.

I remembered the way quite clearly, because it was where me and Jacob use to ride our bikes back when the delusions first came. I smiled while remembering the feeling of the wind against my face, while Edward was screaming in my head. I knew that I shouldn't think about Edward so much, especially not today when I was saying goodbye, but I didn't feel like it mattered. I honestly believed that Jacob would accept me willingly, regardless of how mentally unstable I was. And as such, I knew I wouldn't have to face the backlash of thinking about Edward so much alone. I smiled with the knowledge I need never be alone again. Jacob was so good to me, and I didn't deserve him. That wasn't going to make me turn him away though, I couldn't even think about doing that.

While driving, I debated whether or not I wanted to jump from the top of the cliff, or the middle. I knew Jake wanted me to go from the middle, but I yearned for the free fall right from the top. My last delusion would be the best; I wanted to make sure I heard him with the perfect clarity only my subconscious could muster. I couldn't find the way to the middle jump, so it wasn't hard to convince myself that the jump from the top would be best. To be honest, I'm not sure I even tried to convince myself to do the slightly more safe option. Cliff jumping was always going to be dangerous, that's what made it so appealing. If I was going to get hurt from it, then I may as well do it the best way possible.

I got out the truck and slowly walked to the edge. It was raining slightly heavier now, and looking down at the water, I was having second thoughts. The water seemed a lot further down than I thought, and there was a storm brewing which was creating a strong current, which I didn't know if I could fight again. I felt a pang of panic because I was right at the edge now, and my subconscious Edward had stayed silent. Had the fact I'd made my decision about Jacob caused the delusions to stop? This wasn't what I wanted; I needed to hear his voice. I walked closer to the edge, feet half way off, and prepared myself.

I let the wind swirl around me, while the rain gently landed on my face. The rain was still mixing with the relentless stream of tears that were pouring from my eyes. I rocked back and forth on my feet, getting a feel for the contours of the ground. I took in a deep breath, and waited. But there was still nothing. Edward's voice didn't reprimand me; he didn't come to my rescue and he didn't tell me not to jump. It was all the evidence I needed because my subconscious now understood, and so did I. The hole in my chest ripped wide open, and I was gasping for air. I fell backwards, and landed on the cliff top, where I curled up into a fetal position, sobbing.

I never meant anything to Edward Cullen. And I never will.


	2. Starting New

**A/N: I still own nothing. Again, reviews and comments welcome. Enjoy.  
**

_Chapter song – Comatose – Skillet._

_I hate living without you, dead wrong to ever doubt you._

_But my demons lay in waiting, tempting me away._

_Oh! How I adore you._

_Oh! How I thirst for you!_

_Oh! How I need you…_

I was still in the same position when I heard Jacob quietly call my name. It reminded me of the time in the forest six months ago, just after my life came crashing down on me. The main difference was it was Sam Uley who found me, and it took much longer than it did this time to be found. I'm not completely sure how long I was lying there, but I know the sobbing didn't last as long as it could have. I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder, and I awoke from the apathetic slump looking straight into a pair of worried brown eyes. I stared into the eyes, and I knew he saw me for what I was.

"Bella, honey? What happened? C'mon, it's raining so I need to take you inside. Bella, can you hear me? Please, say something." Jacob was fraught with worry. That much I could read in his eyes. I heard a soft intake of breath behind him, and I tried to focus my eyes to who it came from, but I couldn't.

"She's just like when they left, Jake. I recognize that look in her eyes. Something must have happened; one of them must have seen her, or spoken to her… But I can't pick up a scent. Jacob, take her back to yours. She needs to be safe, and she isn't safe here. I'll send one of the guys back to look around. If there's a Cullen on Quileute grounds, we'll know about it. But I have to get back to the hospital to make sure Harry is okay." I recognised the voice of Sam, but I didn't understand what he saying. Harry was in hospital? Why? I had the faint feeling of concern for Harry, and concern for Charlie. I knew how close they were, and I know that Charlie would be feeling the same emotions I would if it was Jacob going into hospital. I blinked, and opened my mouth to speak, but Jacob just picked me up and held me close. I was too content to be warmed by his body to even think about what just happened, or what could be happening elsewhere. The rhythm of Jacob's footsteps was soothing, and I soon drifted into sleep. The emotional trauma of realising what I had been denying for six months was overwhelming. Believing that he simply got bored of me, rather than never loving me made it easier to wake up each morning, but knowing that I never meant anything was more painful than anything I felt. I just wanted to sleep and let my conscious escape the heartache - so I did.

***

I woke up in Jacob's bed, with him sleeping beside me. He looked so peaceful when he slept, and all the hard lines of worry and anger that sometimes plagued his face when he was awake were gone. He was nothing more than the boy I loved before the werewolf drama started. The effect urban legends and myths were having on my life and the people around me were insane. Forks was meant to be the bane of my life, but life has never been more eventful. Some parts of Forks were better forgotten, but being able to forget it was something I felt I might never be able to do. I knew I had to face what the cliff top episode had told me, but fear kept me from facing it just yet. Jacob knew there was something wrong with me, that much was apparent, but I needed him to know the extent before I actually tried to move on with my life. I needed to know I had his full support, because I knew I wouldn't succeed in what I was about to attempt without it.

Jacob wasn't going to be waking any time soon, and although I felt at peace watching him sleep, it felt wrong to do. Watching someone you love sleep is something you do with their permission, and when it's so clearly known that there is love between you. Jake didn't know that I loved him, not yet. So I sat up, and listened to try and work out if anyone else was in the house. I heard movement from the kitchen, and I went to investigate. I remembered what Sam had said, about Harry being in hospital, and I was suddenly anxious to know more. I opened Jacob's door as quietly as I could, and walked into the main room, which served as both a kitchen and lounge. I saw Billy making himself a cup of tea, and he didn't hear me enter.

"Hey, Billy. Sorry to startle you," I didn't know how to explain what had happened earlier, so I didn't give an excuse to why I just came out of Jacob's bedroom. "What happened at the hospital? Is Harry okay?" While saying this, I was moving closer to Billy, and that's when I saw his red blotchy eyes, and I knew that nothing was okay right now. Nothing even came close to be okay. "Oh Billy, I'm so sorry," I said, rushing up and holding him close. Billy hugged me back, and started to cry. I was at a complete loss at what to do, so I just kneeled down to be more equal with this wheelchair, and wrapped my arms around him tighter. I heard Jacob gently call my name from his bedroom, and before I could answer, he had flown through the door, his face showing more concern than I was worth. He saw me kneeling in front of his father, and realised what had happened at the hospital, and suddenly he was by my side, hugging both Billy and me.

"He died of a heart attack… Bella, you should… go home to Charlie… He needs you right now," Billy said between sobs, releasing his grip on me. I detangled myself from Jacob, acknowledging what Billy said to be true. I needed to be there for Charlie, like Charlie had been there for me after _they_ had left. I couldn't ask Jacob to leave Billy, because he needed Jacob too, but I didn't want to be away from him. I looked at him with longing in my eyes, and the look was returned with pain and concern. Selfish as I may be, I couldn't drag Jacob away from his father when there was pain everywhere I turned. I'd had to be brave and cope alone, at least for a little while.

"I'm just going to see Bella out, okay Dad?" Jacob whispered to Billy. He kissed him gently on the head, and the simple gesture of affection left me winded, with memories coming back to haunt me. I wouldn't give into them though, not anymore. Jacob moved to my side and I took his hand. He looked surprised, because it's usually him that makes the first contact between, but he didn't pull away. He led me to my truck, and handed me the keys. I turned to face him, taking in the look on his face. He was clearly upset by today's events, and I felt guilty for my breakdown earlier. There was so much more to life than a mere _boy_ who left me heartbroken and Harry's death had thrown everything into a much needed perspective. I took in a breath, getting ready to apologise, when Jacob shook his head at me.

"Don't apologise for earlier Bella, there's no need. I just need to know what happened. Were any of the Cullen's here? And are you okay now? Bella, look at me. Please, I want to help…" he trailed off, tilting my head up to face him. I was ashamed, and tears started to leak from my eyes again. I didn't want to admit to the delusions, not right now, not with the passing of a friend so fresh in our minds. I sighed.

"No, they weren't here, Jake, don't worry. You can tell Sam too call off the search for them in La Push. I told you before, the… Cullen's are never coming back." The tears were flowing more freely now, and I told myself this would be the last time I ever mentioned them, but I knew that I still had at least one more conversation involving the Cullen's left to have. Jacob looked utterly confused.

"If they weren't here, then… Why were you so upset on the cliff top? And why were you up there in the first place? Bells, what aren't you telling me?" I just shook my head. I couldn't explain this to him, not here.

"Jacob, I promise to tell you everything, but not right now. I can't right now. I need to go see Charlie; I need to make sure he's okay. I can't abandon him, Harry was his best friend. And you can't leave Billy. And I need a while to explain. More than what we have now standing by my truck. I need to prepare myself for it, because I don't think you'll like the conversation Jake… I'm scared of hurting, or worse: losing you." I closed my eyes and tried to move my head from his hand, but he wasn't going to let me go that easily. He moved his hand to the back of my neck, and then pulled me closer to him. It was his way of saying that I wouldn't lose him, regardless of what I had to say. I had faith in Jacob, and I believed that we'd get through this. I know that with him by my side, I would be able to get past this. I pulled away, just slightly.

"Jake…" I whispered. He looked down to see me, and standing on my tiptoes, I gently pushed my lips to his. He moaned slightly, and pulled me closer to him. There was no intense passion, rather an underlying need for each other. The moment ended all too soon, and I put my head on his shoulder. "I love you Jake, you know that right?"

"I know Bells, and I love you, too."

***

EPOV.

It had been six months since I said goodbye to Bella, since I had left my heart and my life standing in a forest in Forks, and even in a completely different country, the pull to Bella was unbearable. She took up every thought I had, and no matter what I did, I couldn't help but regret the decision to leave. She was my everything, she was my life, and I left her without really thinking it through. I wanted her to be happy but the last memory I had of her was her pain.

I was in South America, tracking Victoria, but I had just lost her trail. I wasn't very good at this but I needed to keep Bella safe. I dragged her into this world, and I couldn't, no, I wouldn't, leave her in danger. That's when it struck me.

I wasn't in contact with my family. I couldn't bear to be around them, not while they were all in love, and I was grieving. It wasn't fair on anyone. I didn't tell anyone where I was, but I'm sure Alice was keeping tabs on me. Maybe she'd see this. If she did, I know she'd call, and I'd tell her to stay away then. I couldn't risk them following to where I was about to go. It would make the whole reason we left pointless, because next time Bella fell, Jasper would lose control again. Then what? No, they couldn't go back to Forks. I could, however. I had lost Victoria, and if I was to protect Bella, then where was the harm of being with her while I did this? I'd be able to control myself. I've gone weeks without hunting in the past six months, and managed to be around humans' fine. I could be fine with Bella.

With the first smile on my face in six months, I turned and started running. It was time to return to where my heart lay, to Bella.

**A/N: If you review, can you tell me if you like the EPOV and if you'd like some more of it. When I read fanfics, I like reading it all in one POV, but writing it, I find it hard to explain something happening parrellel without using a different POV. So, if you like it, I'll write some more, if not, I'll struggle with explaining it BPOV ^_^**


	3. Complications Version 2 1

**A/N: Still owning nothing! I found this chapter particularly difficult to end, because I wanted to write more but didn't want it too long. Comments and reviews welcomed.**

_Chapter Song – Those nights – Skillet._

_I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here  
As long as we'd forget our lives  
We were so young and confused  
That we didn't know to laugh or cry  
Those nights were ours  
They will live and never die_

_Together, we'd stand forever._

After saying goodbye to Jacob, I slowly drove home to Charlie. I had no idea how to comfort him in a time like this, because I wasn't very apt at dealing with pain and loss myself. It shocked me that there were no lights on inside the house, but I saw Charlie's cruiser in the driveway, so I knew him was home. A selfish part of me hoped that he had gone to bed, and that I wouldn't have to deal with the heartache that would be so obvious on his face. Another part of me wanted him to be awake, because I had to talk to him and let him know that I was going to be there for him like he was for me. I walked up to the door, and started searching for the key under the eaves. After finding what I was looking for, I opened the door. It was strangely quiet in the house, and I didn't like it.

"Dad?" I called out. I remember when I got annoyed that Charlie use to call my name out in a similar fashion. I heard nothing in response. I stood still in the darkness, and listened carefully. If Charlie was asleep, I would be able to hear his steady snoring, but there was nothing. I started to panic. Fumbling around in the darkness, I flipped the light on and walked into the lounge. Everything looked in order and nothing was out of place except for a picture. It was Charlie's favourite picture of Harry and him fishing on the reservation. The picture usually stood on the mantelpiece; however it was currently located on the floor, with the glass smashed. This wasn't like Charlie at all, and the panic and worry that I had manage to keep in check so far slowly escalated out of control. "Dad, where are you?" I called, trying to calm myself down. There was still no response.

Not bothering to turn lights on, I rushed up to his bedroom and opened his door. His bed was empty, and clearly not been slept in since last night. Close to hyperventilation, I went and sat on his bed to try and think through what he would be doing, or where he might've gone. I realised that this must have been how he felt back in September, and I made a mental note to apologise more sincerely to Charlie when I found him… if I found him. No, I wasn't going to let myself think like that. Charlie is a practical man, he would have left a note letting me know where he is, I thought to myself. So to calm myself down, I took a deep breath and went to look through the house for any evidence of where he may have gone. I hunted for ten minutes, but there was nothing. Tears of worry and regret slowly streamed down my face, and I inwardly cursed my tear ducts, because I had been crying too much today. I went to the phone, and called Jacob. The phone just rang and rang, and there was no response. I was at a complete loss of what to do. So I decided to drive back down to La Push, and talk to someone, maybe Sam, and see what he suggested. Charlie could be at the Clearwater's, comforting Sue. I knew would be a perfectly good explanation, and I started to calm down again. I picked up my truck keys, and walked out the front door.

It was an overcast night, and there wasn't much moonlight to see by. I hated the darkness, and I couldn't believe I ever wanted to be considered a creature of the darkness. I liked the sun too much. The sun showed everything for what it was, whereas the moon left everything in shadows and uncertainties. As if to prove my point, I saw something move by Charlie's cruiser while I was walking to my truck. I stopped in fear, because I knew what kind of monsters hunted me late at night. It would be just my luck that Victoria chose tonight to hunt me, but I couldn't let her hurt me, not with Charlie hurting as much as he was. Acting braver than I felt, I walked over to where I saw the movement, and looked through the cruiser windows. I gasped, and then let out a sigh of relief.

"Dad, open up," I called gently, while tapping on the window. He looked at me with dead eyes, one I recognised from the mirror because they not so long ago plagued my face. It was like being stabbed in the chest, ripping a brand new hole to accompany the other. He meekly unlocked the door, and I opened it and pulled him close to me. He was completely unresponsive, and I was really scared. I was use to looking after Renée like this, emotionally looking after her and helping her make decisions, but Charlie was strong, independent, and completely different from Renée. I had no idea how to even begin to help, but I knew it would make sense to try and get him into the house, and into bed where he could sleep peacefully. "Dad, c'mon, we need to go inside."

"It was too quiet in there, Bells. I sat there, looking at Harry's face and it was just too quiet. I had to get out. Too quiet." Charlie started muttering the same thing over and over again, but complied when I started to move him into the house. I sat him down on the sofa, and he just stared at the floor, as if fascinated by it suddenly. I followed his gaze, and saw what it was that have captivated his attention: The picture of Harry and him. When I picked it up, I had meant to return it to the mantelpiece, but in my hurry to find Charlie, I had dropped it and it landed face up so the smiles of the two men were clearly visible. I looked back at Charlie, and saw tears crawling down his face. He was staring at the picture with such pain in his eyes that I was at a loss of what to do. I stood there, wondering whether I should move the picture or leave it. I went to pick it up when Charlie moved. He reached for the picture, and picked it up. Holding it in front of his hands, he continued to stare.

"I remember this picture being taken. Sue took it. It was just before Leah was born, and I had just married Renée. Sue and Renée got on really well, so they went fishing with us. I think it bored them, but they were just happy to be spending time together I guess. We caught a lot of fish that day. Weather was good. Billy wanted to go, but the twins were demanding a lot of this time. Harry always talks about this day; it's his favourite time together. We were both so happy. Told ourselves we'll have another day just like it, next time I find someone who I love like I love Renée. It never happened. I blame myself." Although I was comforted from the fact that Charlie was coherent enough to talk, it was like someone was putting salt on already sore wounds in my heart. I had never seen Charlie look so detached from life, and I don't think I ever really understood the depth of his and Harry's friendship.

"Dad, I know it's difficult, but I think you should go to bed. We'll talk properly in the morning, I promise. I'm going to be there for you Dad, through all of this." I held his hand and he stopped looking at the picture and looked at me in the eyes. "I love you, Daddy." Charlie's hand tightened around mine, and I guided him up to a standing position. In silence, we walked upstairs, hand in hand. When he got into his room, he stood there as if lost in thought, but I feared it was more than that. Some things I just couldn't help him with, so I settled with just getting him into bed fully clothed. I hoped Charlie would be aware enough to get undressed once I'd left, but I knew it wouldn't be much of a problem if he didn't. I honestly didn't see Charlie sleeping much tonight, anyway. Once I had ascertained that Charlie was in bed, and wasn't going to get out until morning, I went into my own room and got ready for bed. Crawling in, I got ready for a sleepless night.

Before long, everything had come full circle, and I knew how Charlie felt for the past six months. By midnight, the house was filled with Charlie's screams.

***

Morning light started to shine through the curtains, and it looked to be a beautiful day. The rain and the storm from yesterday had past over, leaving a rare blue sky for Forks. It was different than most mornings, and I was glad to wake up to the sun. I hadn't slept very well, but the sun was reassuring; it was like the weather was saying that the storm had past, and things will pick up. I listened for Charlie, trying to work out whether he was awake or not. I couldn't hear movement from the kitchen, nor could I hear snores from his bedroom. I decided the best idea would be for me to investigate.

Still in pyjamas, I wandered into the hallway and down to Charlie's room. Knocking gently on the door, I peered in. The bed was made, curtains open and everything was tidy like it usually is for Charlie. Confused, and slightly worried, I headed downstairs. I started to ponder on Charlie's mental state, and whether it was wise to let myself sleep last night. When I got into the kitchen, however, I saw a note on the fridge.

"Bella, I'm sorry for last night. I've gone down to the Clearwater's to help Sue and the kids. I'll be home for dinner. Love you, Dad x" I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad Charlie was there to help Sue, and I was sure Sue would help him too. I was still worried about how he would be when he got home, but I decided not to let it bother me. Instead, I thought about Jacob and Billy, and how they were dealing today. I looked at the clock, and realised it was too early to call Jake, so I went to have a shower. However, before I got to the base of the stairs, the phone rang. Confused, I went to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Bella," breathed Jake, sounding exhausted. Clearly, he hadn't slept much either last night. "How are you? How is Charlie?"

"Charlie's not too good, if I'm honest…" I said slowly, going into details of last night. Jacob was quiet, only gasping when I explained where I found Charlie, and about the screaming. "He's down in La Push at the moment, with Sue and her family. As for me, I'm fine. What about you and Billy?"

"We're both fine," he assured me. "I'm sorry to hear Charlie was like that. I shouldn't have let you go home alone. Billy and I should have come up and stayed with you. Charlie could have used the company, and we could've talked. But I guess, as Billy's also at the Clearwater's today, Charlie can speak to Billy then. So, as I'm free today, I wondered if I could come up to Forks and we could talk?" I felt the colour drain from my face. I know I promised him this conversation, but Harry's death was an unforeseen complication that I didn't take into consideration when I had made my decision to say goodbye and move on. Selfishly, I expected Jacob's support, but also Charlie's. I couldn't do that now, because if anything, Charlie needed my support. I was fairly proud of myself though, because until Jacob had brought up the fact we needed to have a particular conversation, I hadn't thought of them this morning. Not even with the sun shining, and knowing this would be one of those days where they would have to stay inside. I wondered if the weather was like this where they were now… No, I didn't. Jacob had noticed the hesitation in my answer. "Bella, you there? You promised, remember. I just want to help…"

"I know Jake, and I will keep my promise. It's just… it's more complicated now." I shook my head, even though I knew Jacob wouldn't be able to see it. "When did you want to come here?" It was now or never. It was strange how I could hear Jacob smile down the phone.

"Well, as it's still early, I'm guessing you'll want time to get ready. So, say in an hour? Or, if you don't really want to get dressed and feel like having a lazy day, I don't mind coming up now."

"Give me the hour please, Jacob. I do need to shower and get ready because even if we stay all day talking and lounging around, doesn't mean I won't need to go out at some point. Nothing like being prepared for every eventuality." I heard him laugh down the phone, and he agreed. After saying goodbye, I hung up the phone and went to get ready. I had a quick shower, trying to keep myself distracted because I didn't want to linger on what I was going to have to say. I knew it would be hard enough without freaking myself out, and I was scared that thinking about it too much without Jacob here would leave me gasping for air like always. I threw on a simple t-shirt and a pair of slouch jeans. Making myself breakfast, I glanced at the clock and noticed I had half an hour left until Jacob arrived. I sat down on the couch for a change, and started to eat my toast slowly. I was tempted to turn the television on, even though it was one of those things that reminded me of Edward, and for the first time in six months, I watched some boring morning television program. However, it managed to entice me enough not to realise that half an hour had passed, and when there was a knock on the door, I jumped.

I practically ran to the door and opened it to see Jacob standing there, looking concerned. He then looked at my face, and a smirk covered his. I was confused to why, but then I realised that it was probably the way I was gawking at him. He had no top on, and just a pair of cut offs. I was use to see Jacob half naked, but this was different. His muscles were more prominent to my eyes now, and I remember the time I called him 'sort of beautiful'. It was an understatement, Jacob was so much more than that, and 'beautiful' didn't even begin cover it. I had been blinded before, not really looking at him. But now that I looked, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I blushed deeply, realising that Jake was now openly laughing at my expression. I slapped his arm playfully, then took his hand and guided him to the front room. We sat on the sofa, and I cuddled up closely to him. He put his arm around me, and we were both content to sit like this in silence for a while. It wasn't long until he broke the silence.

"Bella, you said we could talk," Jacob said while moving so we were facing each other. He looked into my eyes, and I think he saw the fear that would obviously be there. I looked down at his hands that were still holding mine tightly.

"Yeah, I know Jake." I sighed. I didn't know where to start, so I decided to just be blunt. "When I came to you with the bikes, I didn't expect this friendship to bloom. It was just a way to break the promise I made to Edward; a way to hurt him if he were to ever find out. I got a lot more than I ever thought possible when I found a friend in you. But Jake, you have to realise, I'm more broken than you think. I hear… I hear his voice, in my head. Whenever I do something stupid, reckless or dangerous, his voice is there, telling me not to do it. I first heard it in Port Angeles, when I approached a group of drunken men. Then again with the bikes, and that one time you nearly phased out in front of me. The cliff diving… I wanted to hear him again, Jacob. But I promised myself it would be the last time, I needed to say goodbye. I don't want to waste anymore time on him anymore. I want to move on with my life, I…" I looked down, unsure how to admit this. "I want to be with you. Even though I am a little crazy, and I'm sure you'll run away now, I want to try things with you, because you make me happy." I couldn't say anymore, not only because of the tears that were falling down my face, but because I was wrapped tightly in Jacobs arms.

"Bells, I would give anything to be with you. All the time and effort I have, it's yours. I'll help you through this, I can fix you again. You should have told me about the voices before, but I don't understand why you were so upset yesterday? Was it just because you said goodbye?" I shook my head in shame, and Jacob looked confused.

"I didn't hear anything. I was right at the edge, ready to jump, and there was nothing. And that's when I realised: He doesn't love me, and he never did. I know he told me this six months ago, but I had hoped so much that it was lie, but how could he love me? He's everything and I'm nothing. It's like comparing a diamond to a rock… I do still love him Jake, please don't forget that. I do love him more than anything, but," I looked him directly in the eye for this next bit, "I love you too. Maybe not as much, but I love you enough to want to be with you. But you have to know everything about me. Every little messed up thing."

"It doesn't matter, Bella." He said the same thing I said to Edward when I found out his was a vampire. I realised just how much I meant to Jacob. I moved in closer and kissed him. It was different from last night, more passionate. Within seconds it was much more intense than any of my kisses with Edward, and Jacob slowly pushed me down on the couch, so he was holding himself on top of me. I felt excited, happy and a lots more other positive emotions that I hadn't felt in a long time. As Jacob was kissing my neck, I pushed my head back and opened by eyes to look out of the window leading into the back garden. I tensed, and Jacob stopped, asking me what was wrong. I shook my head, and started kissing him again, trying to shake off what I swear I just saw.

A blur of sparkling white, like diamonds, just ran from the window. But before the figure blurred, I could have sworn I saw the bronze hair and golden eyes that had be haunting my dreams for the past six months. I passed it as seeing things, but I couldn't quite shake it, now matter how intense things were getting with Jacob in my living room. Those eyes belonged to Edward Cullen, and just as I was ready to say goodbye to him, I feared another complication was just on the horizon.

**A/N: I was asked if Bella is really moving on from Edward. The only thing I can suggest is to carry on reading ;) Thanks for all the support, I like knowing that people seem to be enjoying reading as much as I enjoy writing.**


	4. Anger

**A/N: Still own nothing, sadly. Please review, and I hope you enjoy. **

_Chapter Song – Forget It – Breaking Benjamin._

_It's a crime; you let it happen to me._

_Never mind; I let it happen to you._

_I don't mind, forget it, there's nothing to lose._

_But my mind and all the things I wanted._

The lounge was a mess, and I sighed as I went to start clearing it up. Time disappeared when I was with Jacob, and somehow it was nearing the time where I'd have to start cooking dinner for Charlie. Jacob was on the phone to Billy, who had called to find out where he was. Billy had just got home from Sue's, and said that Charlie would be on his way back within the next half hour. I told Jacob to invite Billy to dinner, and so I was now cooking for four, but I couldn't start until the lounge was presentable. Even though I knew how much Charlie liked Jacob, I'm sure he wouldn't approve of the mess, especially not if he knew the reason behind it. As I went to straighten up the cushions on the sofa, I felt a warm hand gently pull back on my shoulder.

"Bella, let me do that. You go start cooking dinner, because you know what men are like; they'll get grumpy without food on the table," Jacob joked, while starting to clear up the living room. I was pleased that he was willing to help, because he was right in the sense that Charlie wouldn't be angry that dinner was late, but he'd prefer it if it was on time. I smiled, and moved into the kitchen for the first time since this morning. I looked at the window that had caused my heart to stop earlier, but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it. I had decided to make a simple dinner of spaghetti bolognese, and started to fry off the mince when I felt Jacob's arm slip around my waist. I smiled, thinking that I could easily get use to this. It was so easy to be around Jake; I felt comfortable and safe. I turned to kiss him, but saw an expression on his face that I didn't expect to see. There was anger lines covering his face, and his lips pulled down in the first frown today.

"Jacob? What's wrong?" I asked. I had no idea what had caused the sudden change of mood, but it was something I should be scared of, and I could tell that much.

"Vampire." My heart stopped. "It's not Victoria though. I don't recognise this scent. It's faded though, but still from today. I'd say about 7 hours old. I'm sorry Bella." I was bewildered to why he was apologising to me as it wasn't his fault that there was a vampire somewhere around my house. I was the danger magnet, not him. "I should have picked up the scent before. Whoever they were, they were standing by that window for a prolonged period of time. It wasn't just a vampire in passing. And I can't believe I didn't pick up their scent. I'm so stupid." Oh God, it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me earlier. He was here, and he saw me and Jacob. I knew I had to tell Jacob what I saw, but I knew he'd be angry. I'd already told him too much today, and I didn't want to risk an overload. I couldn't control my breathing, and Jacob's arms were holding me together, while he was trying to reassure me, yet still managing to sound angry with himself. "I'll have to go phase and tell Sam. I need to arrange protection for you tonight. I'll try and stay with you myself, but I'm not sure if I can. Don't worry about this Bella, we won't let you get in harms way, I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too. I can't ask for twenty four hour protection though. That's not practical. I'm a danger magnet, and I'll always be in some form of danger. The pack is needed in La Push…" but Jacob was already shaking his head. I knew that there was no way around twenty four hour protection. I should have been welcoming it, but I wasn't. If there was a werewolf constantly outside my house, how would he get in to talk? That's if he even wanted to talk. I had to know, though. I sighed, knowing this would hurt Jacob. Mike was right, girls are cruel, and I was the worst there is. "I saw who it was Jacob. I glanced at the window earlier, and I recognised them. I just thought I was seeing things, and ignored it. But it's him. He's back, and I don't know why. I'm sure it was nothing, and that he's already moved back on." There was more anger set in Jacob's face, and he looked terrifying. Still trapped in his arms, I was aware of how much his body was shaking, and I knew I had to either calm him down or get out, fast. "Jake, calm down, please. Or at least let me out of here, just in case," I said, pulling on his arms. He relaxed his arms, and I quickly rushed to the other side of the kitchen. He turned around and looked at me, a mixture of emotions covering his face: fear, anger and sadness.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I would be more understanding, but not when it's _that_ bloodsucker." With that, Jacob phased. I screamed, and shielding my face from the flying bits of his jeans that were now scattered around the kitchen. By the time I looked up, the kitchen was empty. I started to clear up the pieces of jeans, fighting back tears. If there was a prize for world's biggest idiot, it should go to Isabella Swan. What type of idiot loses her Romeo, finds comfort in her Paris, then losing him too? Jacob wasn't going to come back, I'd hurt him too much. Wiping the tears aside, I went back to cooking dinner. Charlie would be home soon, with Billy, and I couldn't let them know how badly I had messed up within 7 hours of being with Jake. I just hoped he'd be back and forgive me.

"So, where's Jacob? I thought he'd be here still," Charlie asked, while we were all sitting down for dinner. I groaned internally, getting ready to use the lie I'd thought up for Charlie. I'm sure Jacob would tell Billy the whole story when he got home.

"He had something to tell Sam, but I'm not sure what. He said it was important, so he went back to La Push. I'm not sure if he'll back, but if not, I can give Billy a ride home." As if he could hear, Jacob knocked on the door. I was shocked, as I didn't think he'd be coming back. I practically ran to the door, and opened it to see him. He still had a dark look in his eyes, but he pulled me close to him. "I'm so sorry," I whispered into his chest, and he stroked my hair. He kissed the top of my head, and I knew I was forgiven. I still felt terrible for hurting him, but I knew we could talk it out. "We started dinner without you," I said slightly louder. I heard him chuckle. We walked into the dinner room, hand in hand, and I'm sure both Charlie and Billy saw the affectionate action. I went to serve Jacob up some dinner, while Charlie asked him what he needed to talk to Sam about. I cringed, hoping that Jake could catch on quickly.

"I'd heard rumours that one of the Cullens were back." I froze on my way back to the table. Every set of eyes turned to face me, taking in the horrified look on my face. "Apparently, Sam had seen them, and I went to find out if it was true, and who it was." I couldn't believe what Jacob was doing.

"And are they back?" Charlie asked, anger filling his voice.

"One of them is, yeah." Jacob turned to face Charlie, and I knew which of the Cullen's were back, and I knew Charlie wasn't going to like it. "Edward. He's staying back at his old place, but no one has spoken to him so it's not known how long for." I had reached the table by this point, and was starting to eat my dinner up again. I didn't want to be part of this conversation, but I could feel all eyes on me. I knew I'd have to speak up. It was hard knowing Edward back, even harder knowing he hadn't left yet. I knew that Jacob had only said this to let me know what was happening. I was grateful for that, but he could have waited until we had some time alone. I decided to speak up.

"It doesn't really matter how long he's back for. If he's here alone, then he'll soon realise that he has nothing left waiting for him, and he'll move on. I'm sure his family will come and take him back to wherever they are soon anyway, they must miss him." I looked up and saw Jacob smiling. I smiled back at him, and then at Charlie and Billy. This was progress, and everyone saw that. I wasn't going to go back on my promise; I'd said goodbye to Edward, and I was going to keep it like that, no matter what. Looking back at Jake, I was struck again by how beautiful he was, now that the anger had faded from his face. While I was still looking at Jacob, Charlie coughed to get my attention. Blushing, I dragged my eyes off of Jacob to look at Charlie. He looked concerned.

"You're not going to go see him, are you?" I stared at him. Did he not remember what he did to me? From the corner of my eye, I could see Billy looking uncomfortable, and Jacob trying too look nonchalant, but I knew this a question he needed the answer too. I didn't know what to do; I wanted to go see him, to talk to him and try and make things work again if he felt the same, but I didn't want to hurt again when he rejected me, and I didn't want to hurt Jacob. I was trapped by earlier events. If I hadn't given myself completely to Jake, then it wouldn't matter what I did now. But now that Jacob knew how I felt about him, and vise versa, I couldn't go running after past dreams. I sighed.

"No, I'm not. Why would I want to run back to the person who hurt me most, Dad? That just makes no sense." I looked down, not being able to bear Charlie's smug smile. "But… If he wants to try and talk to me, I don't want anyone to stop him." I could feel all eyes on me, so I didn't look up, and carried on eating. I felt ashamed admitting that although I wasn't going to actively seek Edward out, if he was to seek me out, I would talk to him then. I also hoped that Jacob would get the hint that I didn't want any werewolves outside my house; I knew that would stop Edward sneaking in if he ever wanted to. There was silence while everyone was eating their dinners, and I wondered if I should try and break the silence. Just as I was about to ask Charlie how Sue was, I heard Jacob take a sharp intake of air next to me and the unmistakable howl of wolves coming from the forest. It was followed by a number of other howls ranging in distance, and I knew that it meant there was a vampire near by. I hoped it wasn't Edward.

"Oh no, it sounds like the wolves are getting closer to town than expected. I'll have to report this tomorrow, and get a team out there hunting for them. We can't let them get into town and hurt the towns' people." While Charlie was talking, I looked at Billy and Jacob. Jake was shaking and clearly trying to find a way to get away from the table and find out what was going on, while Billy was scared of the prospect of his son getting hurt when Charlie put together a hunting party. It was times like this I wished I could tell Charlie everything; about werewolves, about vampires, but it was strictly forbidden. There was another howl, closer than before it sounded like it was coming from our back garden. Charlie got up and got his gun and started to head out.

"Wait, Charlie, I'll go. I'm younger and can move quicker," Jacob said, smiling slightly. He took the gun from Charlie's hands before he could react and walked out the backdoor. He was soon out of sight and I figured he had phased to tell them to quit the howling, because it soon ceased. Within a few minutes, Jacob was walking back through the door looking more stressed than when he left. "There's no sign of any wolves out there. I can only suggest you lock your doors and leave no food out for them to be attracted to." Charlie nodded. "Anyway, it's getting late, and after lack of sleep last night, I ready to drop. I best drive home while I still can. Bella, can I talk to you for a second, please?"

"I'll be in the car, son. Charlie, will you help me?" Billy clearly wanted to give Jacob and me some privacy and Charlie happily complied. I walked to Jacob, and tried to take hold of his hand, but he moved it away. It was like a slap in the fact, and I didn't know how to react.

"It's Edward out there. He slipped through the patrol, and somehow got into the house, but he's not here any longer, though he is lingering outside. I heard what you said, and I've called off patrol tonight, just to avoid any accidents because I'm sure you won't like it much if your bloodsucker was to get hurt. He seems pretty determined to talk to you, maybe because he was close enough to hear my outrage at the fact you'd willingly talk to him. I don't know." He sounded so bitter, and I recoiled at the anger and hatred in his voice. How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly? I had said goodbye to that part of my life, why was it still ruining everything? Hadn't he done enough damage to me when he left? Why did he want to inspect the aftermath? I tried to talk, but Jacob just shook his head and cut me off. "Don't say what you were about to say Bella. I know you love me, but I know you love him more. I don't want you to talk to him, but I can't stop you. Whatever his reasons for hanging around, I know it'll haunt you until you find out. So, I promise you this now: I will be there for you again, once he's gone. But I can't be here while he is, you have to understand that. Accidents happen, and I don't want to hurt you."

"Thank you," I whispered, while pushing myself into his arms. I wasn't going to let him leave still angry at me. He placed his warms arms around me, and pulled me closer. I felt safe, and I knew that I was better off with Jacob. I looked up into his eyes, and he took his chance to kiss me gently on the lips in farewell. I wasn't content with a simple kiss, and I pulled him in further, which he happily complied with. I had my hands on his shoulders, and his hands were roaming through my hair, and I got a memory from earlier this morning. His hands wandering places on my body that Edward never dared, the kisses with such intensity that Edward shied away from, and with a passion so strong it swept us along in the current. Close to losing ourselves to the current again, Charlie coughed behind us to alert us of his presence. Embarrassed, and blushing deeply, I untangled myself from Jacob. "Sorry," I muttered, leading Jake to the door.

"I'll call you tomorrow?" I asked, unsure on if he'd want to see me tomorrow. He smiled and nodded, but I felt like there was more he wanted to say, but just didn't know how. He turned and walked to his car, and got in slowly. I didn't want him to go, and I felt a pang of sadness that he would never be able to stay like Edward use to. Brushing it off, I waved farewell to Jacob, and turned to Charlie. He was looking at me, half annoyed, half amused. I grinned sheepishly. Charlie grinned back.

"So, you and Jake, eh?" I cringed.

"I thought you liked Jacob?" I asked innocently.

"I do. I'm glad you're happy Bells. Don't let the fact _he's_ back get in between you and Jacob. You two make a good couple. Better than you and Edward anyway. I'm off to bed now. Goodnight Bells." With that, Charlie walked up the stairs and went to bed. I quickly followed. Turning off the landing light before I entered my room, I pushed open the door and froze.

Sitting in the rocking chair like nothing had changed in the past six months was Edward Cullen. He looked up at me, his topaz eyes filled with sadness. "Can we talk?"


	5. Change

**A/N: Quite a short chapter, but I hope you enjoy anyway. I have exams coming up, so the updates may not be as regular. I usually have half of the next chapter written by the time I update, but I haven't even started, so sorry if there's a while between updates now. I don't own anything, the characters belong to Stephanie Meyers. Enjoy & Review.**

_Chapter song – Next to Nothing – Breaking Benjamin_

_You cut me down – You know I'll always be around_

_So now I wait, I know you'll live another day._

_Come and take my breath away _

_And look me straight in the face_

'_Cause you know it's over, growing colder._

_I need something; leave me next to nothing._

Change

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, closing the door quickly. Anger flared at the way he acted as if nothing had changed, even though everything had changed in the past six months. Most importantly, I had changed. I hadn't changed much, and most of the changes had happened recently, but I had still changed. I glared at him, anger radiating off me, even though part of me was curious, and if I had to admit it, a little happy to see him. I was glad Edward was unable to read my mind, because through all the jumbled thoughts, in between all the anger and betrayal, the loudest was screaming my love for me. He still looked so perfect. My memories did not do him justice. The moonlight bathed him; he's skin looked paler then I remembered, and I ached to be held by him once more. His topaz eyes had darker purple bruise-like marks under them than I remembered, but it just heightened the beauty of his eyes. His bronze hair was all over the place, unkempt but it complimented him, as if it was a look he was going for. I felt blinded by his beauty again, but hoped that next time I saw Jake I could still see him like I did today. All of these thoughts rushed through my head quicker than I thought humanly possible, and I had taken a step towards my bed when our eyes connected.

I lost myself in the depth of his eyes, forgetting how powerful his gaze was on me. Edward's eyes always told me how he felt, but I wasn't prepared for this. It was as if my own emotions from the past six months were reflected in his eyes; I saw sadness, despair, torment, lifelessness, and finally betrayal. There was no hope in this creature in front of me, the sparkle in his beautiful golden eyes had vanished and I couldn't help but feel that I was the cause. Even if that was so, he had left me, and I wouldn't let the guilt wash over me. But I couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes, and I was the first to break eye contact. I looked at the floor, and walked over to my bed. All the anger had vanished, just leaving raw pain; both mine and Edward's. As I sat on the bed, I pulled my knees up around me to hold myself together. A position I was use to pulling over the past six months, but suddenly it felt wrong. With my head on my knees, and my eyes closed, I decided to break the silence.

"Edward, what do you want?" Frustration was slowly starting to resurface. He had left me six months ago, unwanted and unloved. He had lied to me for months about how he felt about me. He had played around with my mind and my heart. And now he was back to do the same? No matter how much I loved Edward, I couldn't put myself through that much pain again. Not to mention the fact I had Jacob now. And Jacob would never leave me like he did. Edward stayed silent, and my frustration had got to the point where I opened my eyes to look at him. He was had moved to the bed, and was sitting about a two feet away from me. I took a sharp intake of breathe out of shock. I didn't want him this close to me.

"Bella…" he whispered, looking at me with the same hurt in his eyes. It was unbearable. There was a longing in his voice, and I was confused to why it was there. Why would Edward _long_ to be with me, when _he _left_ me_. It made no sense. I stared at him, while not breathing. "Bella, breathe. Please." Annoyed to do as he asked, I realised that I was going to faint if I didn't start breathing again. Focusing on my breathing, rather than the fact the love of my existence was sitting on my bed for the first time in six months, I calmed myself down.

"What do you want?" I repeated. I needed to know. That's why I said that I would talk to him if he tried to talk to me earlier, because Jacob was right – I was curious to why he had come back. I couldn't believe it was to be with me, so why?

"You." My heart missed a beat. I stared at his eyes, trying to find some meaning behind them. He didn't love me, so in what way could he want me? Fear started to replace frustration when I realised. He's a vampire, and my blood calls to him. What other way could he mean it? My Edward was a monster. He must have abandoned the Cullen's and decided to resume his old way of life, starting with me. For the first time, I was scared to be in his presence.

"Oh," was all I could reply with. My mind numbed, and I couldn't think straight. I looked away, and started to fear for Charlie. "You won't hurt Charlie, will you?" Confusion spread across his face, but I paid no attention to it. How would Charlie react in the morning, when he finds me either missing or dead? I know that Jacob would know the truth, but that would just mean he'll go after Edward, and then Edward would have to hurt him too. And possibly the rest of the pack, and I couldn't allow that. I wondered if he was rational enough to let me talk him into leaving with him first, make it look like I ran away. Admittedly, everyone would assume that I had run off with Edward, but I was sure that the only people who would be able to find him would accept it.

"Why would I hurt Charlie?" I stared at him, challenging the tone of voice he used. He actually sounded surprise that I would ask that. I think that's when he saw the fear in my eyes, and he realised what I had assumed. "Bella! Do you honestly think that I'm here to _kill_ you?" He sounded disgusted, but I wasn't sure who at.

"Why else would you be here? It's not like I mean anything to you." Anger swelled in my chest, and I wanted to lash out at him. I didn't want to have to lay my pain out in front of him, it was obvious enough. He looked at me as if I was crazy. If only he knew…

"How can you even think that? How can you not know that I love you with every inch of my being? Do you not remember everything I ever told you, Bella?"

"Actually, Edward, yes, I do. If I remember rightly, you said you didn't want me; that I wasn't good enough for you. Then you left me in the middle of the forest, alone, wandering. You left me and it took them hours to find me Edward! And I didn't recover. You left me, and I broke down. And you expect me to believe that you love me? If you loved me so much, Edward, why did you leave me here? Why did you leave me to the mercy of Laurent, and Victoria? Just admit it Edward, you never cared. And now you're back to finish what Victoria's been trying to do. And after the six months of sheer torment, I half welcome it. Just do it away from here, don't hurt Charlie, don't hurt Jacob… Please?" There was a change in his face, and he was horrified. I was now passed annoyed, and couldn't care much about how the truth was affecting him. Let him be hurt, he deserved it for what he did to me. Tears were starting to fall from my eyes, and I tried to wipe them away before he saw, but his hand reached them first.

When he touched my skin, the electricity that was there all those months ago flared up again. I whimpered to his touch, and felt my resolve weakening. I closed my eyes and tried to look away, but his hand cupped my face so I couldn't move. His skin was so cold, but I welcomed it anyway. It was familiar to me still. "Edward, don't…" I begged, because I knew I would cave, no matter how angry I was. I thought his hold on me would have weakened over time, but it hadn't. If anything, it had intensified. I wanted to push him away, but hold him close at the same time. I was confused all of the sudden and was grateful when he let go of my face. I pulled away as far as possible and hid my face so he couldn't see my tears.

"I love you, Bella, more than anything else in this world. I never meant to hurt you this much; I thought you'd move on and quickly forget about me. I never thought it would be as bad as this. I am so, so sorry. You will never be able to comprehend just how guilty I feel right now. Please let me try to make it up to you. I want to be there to protect you Bella. I realise now that leaving was probably the worst mistake I ever made. But what do you mean about Laurent? And Victoria? Laurent is staying with the Denali clan, and Victoria was down in South America last time I caught her scent…" He trailed off, lost in thought. Could he really be this naïve? Could he really think I was this naïve? I looked up and snorted, and he stared at me. "What?"

"If it wasn't from Jacob and the pack, I would be dead right now. If they hadn't found me at our meadow, Laurent would have killed me. If they weren't doing patrols around Forks, Victoria would have tortured me and killed me. Actually, if it wasn't for the pack, I probably would have died the night you left. So don't you go on about 'protecting' me, or 'loving' me, because I know its all lies. Jacob loves me now, and he protects me. And Edward, I… I love him, too. So whatever your reason for coming back, I think its best you leave again. You made it perfectly clear to me how you felt before. And I'm not naïve enough to fall for it again. You broke my heart, and for that, I could never forgive you." I tried to make it sound convincing. I couldn't let him know that I loved him more than I loved Jacob. I couldn't let him know that I would do anything to run back into his arms. And above else, Edward could never know that he was only a day late. That if he was to have turned up yesterday then I would be being held by him right now.

"Bella, I…" He paused, and took a deep breath. He suddenly looked angry. "Werewolves? You've been hanging around with werewolves? How can you be happy, putting your life in the hands of such volatile, violent creatures?"

"Oh, 'cause vampires are so much better…"

"When did you go and become so bitter?" Edward retorted; I could tell Edward was hurt from my comment, and my rejection. But I couldn't let myself feel guilty.

"When you left. Now please, leave me alone Edward." I looked me, and nodded slowly.

"I made this mistake once before, and I won't make it again. I love you Isabella Marie Swan, and nothing will ever change that. I know that we're meant to be, and I can never forgive myself. If you honestly never want to see me again, tell me now. If you honestly don't love me anymore, tell me, and I promise that I won't interfere with your life now that you've moved on. However, if there is even the smallest part of you that can forgive me, and for some reason, wants me back, I will fight for you. My love is never ending, and without you, I am nothing." I was crying again, and I didn't know what to do. Everything had changed so much since two days ago, and I couldn't keep up.

"I… I do love you Edward, and I always will. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy you were back. But I don't… I can't think straight. I need some time to think." I couldn't tell him to go. I was going to break Jacob's heart, I knew it. But maybe… maybe I could be with Jake, because I trusted Jake. And maybe Edward and I could be friends. It'll be a role reversal, but I'd have them both. I couldn't be happy without either in my life.

"I'll be waiting. Forever." He kissed the top of my head – oh, how my heart reacted – and quickly left the room. I crawled up into bed, and cried. There were no breaks in my tears, not even in sleep. I had a different nightmare than usual. I was wandering around lost in the forest, but it was worse than before. Jacob and Edward were both there; trying to pull me in two different directions, screaming and arguing with each other. Both went in their own directions, leaving me alone in the middle of the forest, crying. I screamed for Edward to come back, and he stopped, turned around to face me and was smiling. Walking back towards me, Edward had his arms open to hold me. That's when Jacob jumped in, in wolf form, and attacked Edward. I woke up screaming and crying, louder and more hysterical than ever. Charlie came rushing in for the first time in months, and tried to calm me down, but I couldn't stop crying. Although the hysterics stopped, I continued crying until Jacob walked through my bedroom door hours later, clearly having been called by Charlie as soon as morning broke. I threw myself in Jacob's arms, where I finally started to calm down. He pulled me into bed and he stroked my hair and gently spoke to me until I fell into a more restful sleep.


	6. Crossroads

**A/N: I wrote this all in the space of like.. 4 hours tonight. I haven't really had a chance to go over it, so I hope it's okay. Please review because this is a critical chapter for the rest of the story. I don't own any of the characters sadly. Either way, enjoy. **

_Chapter Song – Away – Breaking Benjamin_

_I see you; cause you won't get out of my way  
I hear you; cause you won't quit screaming my name  
I feel you; cause you won't stop touching my skin  
I need you; they're coming to take you away!_

Crossroads

Everything stayed the same for weeks; I didn't talk about that night and neither Jacob nor Charlie knew why I was so upset. So we all fell into a pattern. I saw Jacob most days and when he wasn't out with the pack looking out for Victoria, we spent our time walking along La Push beach, watching films at mine, and generally enjoying each others company. We had a much more physical relationship than me and Edward ever had which I took advantage of as often I could. It made me feel wanted and attractive, and I think Jacob liked that fact. I'd gone to the doctors to be put on contraception, but they said I had to wait until my next period before I could start. That wasn't for another week or so, and the waiting was getting tiresome. Charlie was clearly happy about my choice in boyfriend while I was with Jacob, and was even happier about my apparent uncaring attitude towards Edward's return.

School was about to start up again and with finals to prepare for, I knew that things were about to change again. I couldn't spend all my time with Jacob, and I'd have to begin to socialise with the people at school again. I hadn't exactly spoken tot hem much over spring break, and I'd cheered up considerably. I wondered if they'd accept the fact that I had gone back to 'old Bella' rather than 'zombie Bella'. I believed Mike would probably welcome me back without a second thought, but I wasn't too sure about the rest. Jess still hadn't forgiven me about Port Angeles, and had joined Lauren on the 'Hate Bella' side of the table. But I wasn't going to let it get to me, because outside of school, life was pretty perfect.

The Sunday before school started, Jacob came up to Forks and we spent the day at home while Charlie spending time with Sue in La Push. The weather was overcast, but warm enough to go out. We had planned to go into the woods just by the house, and I was a little wary about going. Since Edward left me, I hadn't step foot there. Jacob knew this, but he wanted to replace those memories with new ones. Neither of us knew whether Edward was still in Forks, as I hadn't heard from him since, and no one had seen him. Because of the treaty, Jacob wasn't about to go up to the Cullen's house and pick up a scent to find out either. Victoria had stayed away since Harry had died, and although this meant there was more time for me and Jake to spend together, I was worried about what she was planning.

"You can't honestly believe that she's going to have left for good Jake. She is hell bent on trying to kill me, and I don't understand why she would just give up. I don't think she would," I argued as me and Jacob started to walk towards the trees. It was easier to talk and keep myself distracted rather than think of where we were going.

"She hasn't been around for weeks. She usually comes back at least once a week. Don't you think it's possible she might've? Or maybe she caught whiff of Cullen when he was here, and ran off too scared." I winced at the mention of his name. I honestly didn't know how to react to the conversation that had taken place in my room two weeks ago. I was still torn between both options, and there had been times where I nearly ran to my truck and drove up to the Cullens' house and tried to talk to him again. However, I had forced myself to believe that if Edward really did mean what he said, then surely he would have made contact since. As he hadn't, it must all be lies. It made it easier to stay with Jacob knowing that. I stayed silent, not able to think of a reply as my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Edward. "You excited to go back to school tomorrow?"

"Thrilled! Oh, how my days will get better with Mike's company," I replied sarcastically. I had only seen Mike at work, and even that was too much. He knew about me and Jacob – it was obvious the way that Jacob took me to and from work – and he made his thoughts about it known. Jacob was apparently too young, and I could do much better. Jealousy has such an ugly face, if you ask me. Jacob growled beside me and I laughed while squeezing his hand. "C'mon Jake, you know there's no other boy in Forks I want to be with!" He pulled me to a stop, and turned me to face him with a strange look in his eye. I met his glance, while taking in the surrounding. Although it could be my paranoia, I could have sworn this was the same place as when Edward left.

"'In Forks'? You mean, there is elsewhere?" Why does he ask me the difficult questions, I wondered to myself. Especially as I thought I had told him that I would always love Edward more. I sighed and looked to the side, which confirmed my suspicions that this was the place I had lost everything. I hoped a pattern wasn't emerging. Pulling myself together, I looked Jacob in the eye.

"Regardless of the other person I may _want_ to be with, you're the only person in the world I'm happy to be with." This wasn't so far off the truth. Even if I wanted to be with Edward, I didn't think he could make me as happy as Jacob did. I would never trust Edward not to leave me again and as such, I would never be truly happy.

"So, you still want to be with him?" He was angry, and that broke my heart. I didn't understand why I always had to hurt him.

"Yes." I replied, meekly. Even if I didn't want to hurt him, I couldn't lie to him. He broke eye contact and looked to the floor. "But Jake…" I started, but a glare from him cut me off.

"He spoke to you that night, I know he did. I could smell it on you, smell it in your room. It was so strong. He got close to you, maybe even touched you. And I know that was what upset you. But what did he say Bella? I have a right to know. I've not pressured you into telling me, but I can't let it go anymore. Not when there is a chance I will lose you to him!"

"Lose me? You won't lose me Jake! If I had wanted to be with him, do you think I would have stayed with you? If he had offered to take me back, and I wanted that more than I wanted you, do you think I would have passed that offer up?" My voice was rising, and I wanted to calm myself down because arguing with Jacob was one of the worst things ever. To do in this place was unbearable.

"Then what did he want?"

"To tell me that he loved me still, and that he always did. That he was going to fight for me, unless I told him that I didn't want to be with him and then he would leave. I told him I needed time to think, and he said he'd wait. I haven't heard from him since, so I guess he got bored of waiting." Whoever said honesty was the best policy was stupid. I realised too late how my words might sound to Jacob, and the look on his face clarified that. "No, wait, Jacob, I didn't mean that I ever thought about leaving you! When I told him that I needed to think, it wasn't about who I wanted to be with. It was about how to keep him in my life as a friend. I couldn't just let him go… Not when he was here again. But I would never be as happy with him as I am with you." During my speech, he kept trying to face away, obviously hurt by what I said, and I was tripping trying to keep up with him. "Jacob, please," I begged. He looked at me, and for once, he was the one with tears in his eyes. I was at a loss of what to do so I just took his hand and stepped closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"I can't ever lose you, Bella. You mean everything to me. You don't understand just how much I love you. I know you love him more than me, but I can deal with that as I'm the one you come home to, so to speak. But I'm scared that you will up and leave me for him the moment he says the right thing and you forgive him…" He trailed off and I could tell he didn't like talking about his feelings, and his insecurities, like this.

"I won't ever go back to him because of his words alone, Jake. In fact, I don't ever intend on going back to him. The only way you'll lose me is if something happens between us, life changing events such as imprinting. There may come a time where I'm not enough, and I know that. The only other reason you'd lose me is if you cheat on me, or decide you've had enough of me, or something. Not because of him, not ever." As I said it, I knew it was true. It would take a truly life changing event to force me away from Jacob, and I don't think Edward could really do that more. He'd already changed my life, he couldn't change it anymore.

Jacob smiled, and kissed me deeply. I returned the depth of the kiss, and wrapped my arms tighter around his neck. He cut off the embrace, and gestured for me to sit, which I did. As soon as I was on the ground, Jake was hovering over me, using his body to lay me down. I knew where this was going, but I had no objections. No one would come this way, and it was high time I replaced the negative memories I had of this place. I let myself focus entirely on what Jacob was doing; where his lips were going, what parts of me his hands lingered on, and most importantly, where our clothes were getting thrown. Although Jacob and I had had sex before, this wasn't like the other times. Although there was passion and desire burning through our veins, there was more than that. There was bliss that we knew happiness was ours for the taking, and that it wasn't going anywhere.

We lay naked in the forest for a while and it was peaceful. I hadn't felt this way in a while; like I was ready to take on the world. I felt complete. I was drifting off to sleep when the rumbling of Jacob's stomach made me aware of the actual situation we were in. I laughed, and told him we needed to head back. We got dressed, and walked back slowly hand in hand. I opened the back door and went into the kitchen, preparing to make Jacob some lunch. That's when I heard him sigh.

"Jake? What's wrong?" Facing him, I saw no trace of the happiness that had just been on his face. I didn't understand this change in mood.

"He's been here. The scent goes upstairs, but he's not here now. Stupid bloodsucker has to go and try and ruin everything… Do you want me to upstairs and check things out?"

"No, it's okay. We'll have lunch, and then watch a movie. Whatever reason he had to come here doesn't matter. I wasn't here at the time, and that's that." I continued to make some sandwiches, and then promptly sat on the sofa and curled up with Jacob. We watched _Pay It Forward_, and I ended up crying towards the end. The world would be such a better place if everyone paid it forward like Trevor suggested. Jacob had fallen asleep after not getting much sleep the night before; he was running the night shift watching out for signs of Victoria. I nudged him slightly. "Wake up Jake. You should go home. I got chores to do, and should get ready for school tomorrow." Honestly, I just wanted him to go so I could go upstairs and see what Edward wanted. Jacob slowly woke up, and then left even slower. He'd agreed to pick me up from school tomorrow, driving his motorbike up, and then putting it in my truck while I drove back to La Push. I kissed him goodnight, and went upstairs to my room. I stood outside my closed door and was scared to open it. Taking a breath, I pushed the door open.

My room looked exactly the same: washing still building up, books all over the floor, and my bed unmade. Confused to what Edward would have wanted, I walked in and went and sat on my bed. That's when I saw a note on the bedside table in Edward's handwriting. Picking it up in shaking heads, I read it:

"Bella, Alice called me. Victoria will find a way through the wolves, tonight, and you're future is gone. You need to tell the pack about this because if Victoria gets through, and gets to you… I don't know what I will do. Please take care of yourself Bella. If the wolves need to follow onto Cullen land, let them. Screw the treaty. Your safety is paramount.

Alice is worried and threatening to come back, but having more vampires in Forks isn't going to be helpful. She loves you, though, and tells me to tell you she misses you. I'm sorry for helping her away from you. I just want you to be safe.

Be safe, always. I love you, always. And I'm waiting, always. Edward x"

EPOV

I was starting to realise that there was a high chance that Bella was never going to come back to me. When I told her two weeks ago that I'd be waiting, I didn't think she'd really have to think about it. I was arrogant and foolish. I never should have left in the first place, and I never should have stayed away for as long as I did. True to my word, however, I stayed away from Bella. As tempting as it was to watch her, I didn't. I would wait until she was ready to talk to me. I didn't know when that would be, and I was starting to get desperate.

Alice was calling me daily, trying to convince me to let her come back to Forks. I wasn't going to give in though. I didn't know if Bella would take me back, so I couldn't let the rest of my family infiltrate her life again. It was hard hearing Alice plead daily to come, and I'd taken to turn my phone off so she couldn't contact me. I hadn't heard from her for about 4 days, and I had a question that I felt only she would answer. Hesitantly, I turned my phone on. It was ringing within seconds.

"Hello, Alice," I said, knowing that it could only be here, without having to look at caller ID.

"What made you turn your phone back on? What do you want to ask me?"

"Who does she choose?" I regretted asking this, because I knew there was a chance Alice wouldn't know. If Bella still hadn't made up her mind, Alice wouldn't be able to see her future. There was a pause.

"I can't see, Edward." I sighed.

"I figured…"

"No!" she interrupted me, "I can't see Bella! Her future is gone to me. And it's not just when there werewolf is close by… I can't see her going to school tomorrow; I can't even see her going to bed. I can't see Bella! Edward, why can't I see her? What can that mean?" I could feel Alice's panic down the phone, and I felt sorry for Jasper who would be getting it first hand. I was numb, because I couldn't think of a reason why Alice wouldn't be able to see Bella's future. Trying to stay calm, I thought of possible explanations.

"Does Victoria try again Alice? Maybe she gets to her…" Not if I have anything to do with it. Screw the treaty. I waited for Alice to answer, dreading the response.

"Yes. She gets through tonight… The pack believes she's not going to come back, at least not for a while. And whoever is on patrol doesn't spot her in time… And then it's gone. Everything is gone. I see her getting into Forks, but I don't see what happens because of werewolf interference. Wait." I waited. "I looked for Bella's future two weeks from now, and still nothing. Edward… Please let me come home and protect her. I can be there in an hour. Please."

"No. I'll write her a note, and leave it for her. She'll tell the wolves and she'll be fine. Just wait and see. Bye Alice." I hung up and wrote Bella a note explaining it. I also added that I was still waiting, just in case she forgot. Or in case she thought I was lying. Sighing, I ran to Bella's house to leave it in her bedroom. On the way, I heard her and Jacob talking in the forest. I was tempted to listen in, find out what was happening because it sounded like they were arguing, but I didn't think it would help my cause if she caught me spying. Her house smelt like dog, and it was repulsive. How she could deal with spending all her time with that filthy mongrel, I had no idea. Just another thing about Bella I would never understand. I put the letter on her bedside table, and looked around her room longing to spend more time in here, with her. I was an idiot. I should have stayed with her; I should have turned her while she wanted to. I was stupid to believe that vampires didn't have a soul. For me to love Bella with the intensity I do, I need a soul. And I should have seen that earlier. Shaking the regrets away, and hoping for the future, I left Bella's room and ran home, going a route that wouldn't put me in hearing range of Bella and Jacob. Let them have privacy. She deserves it.

***

Night had fallen, and I was on edge. I didn't know for sure that Bella would have told the wolves about Alice's vision – or lack of them - and if even she had, I didn't know if they would take it seriously. I was about to go out into the night and start trying to track Victoria when I heard the howling of the wolves. Then the stench hit my nose, and I was shocked to smell Victoria's scent there too. The wolves had kept her away from Forks, and were chasing her out of state, via my house. I could join in and rip her from limb to limb, and enjoy every second of it. That's when the phone rang.

"Don't, Edward. The pack doesn't get Victoria, but you joining will leave you dead. The hatred they feel towards you… It's immense, and it will distract them. Stay in the house at all cost, do you understand?" She hung up before I got a chance to reply. Probably still annoyed at the fact I refused to let her come back, I thought to myself. I turned back to the piano, and started to play Bella's lullaby. It relaxed me to the point where time slipped by without me realising, and by the time I'd finished, there was silence. I hoped that meant that the chase was over and that Victoria was far away from Forks. I also hoped the wolves were far enough away to not pick up my scent, because I needed to hunt.

Just as I started to run, my phone rang again. The caller ID showed it to be Alice again, and I started to regret not turning my phone off. "What now?" I asked, bitterly.

"Edward…" she was scared. I stopped dead. "Your future is gone too."


	7. Runaway

**A/N: So, I was inspired while writing the last chapter, that this one flowed pretty much straight away. For those who was worrying about Bella/Jacob relationship lasting, I hope this clears everything up. I only have another three chapters last really to write, so I'm gonna try and pump them out as soon as possible so this isn't distracting me for my exams. Enjoy, and review ^^ **

_Chapter Song – You – Breaking Benjamin_

_Forgive me, my love –_

_I stand here all alone, and I can see the bottom._

_Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind,_

'_Cause I've elected hell, lying to myself._

_Why have I gone blind? _

_Live another life. _

_You. _

Runaway

"Calm down Bella," Jacob chided me and I just glared at him. It was so _Jacob_ to not care that Victoria was back. Just because he wasn't as vulnerable as me doesn't mean that I couldn't worry about him. It was hard to image how he would fare up against Victoria and I feared for him, and the whole pack. I wasn't sure who was running watch tonight, but since I read Edward's note, the whole pack was out there and Jacob was here with me. They'd agreed that if need be they would go through Cullen land, because they wanted to get rid of Victoria, no matter the cost. Jacob would be joining them as soon as Charlie told him it was time to leave because it was a school night. I'd been silent most of the night, and Jake thought it was solely because of Victoria, though it wasn't.

I didn't tell Jake about the other part of Edward's note. I didn't want to raise more insecurity for him, but it's all I could think about. He was still out there, waiting. Alice missed me, and wanted to come and protect me. That aspect of my life was still open to me and I hoped that if I did decide to have Edward back in my life in some way, shape or form, maybe then I'd get the other Cullen's back too. I missed Alice and her obsession with shopping, I missed Emmett's poor taste jokes, I missed the way Esme cared about me, Carlisle's calmness, Jasper's wariness, and I even missed Rosalie's bitterness. I missed everything about the Cullen's, but most of all, I missed Edward.

I missed everything about him: his beautiful crooked smile, the way his eyes looked at me, his cold skin and the reaction I felt when he touched me, his overprotective nature, his laugh, the way he'd hold me in bed while humming my lullaby. The safety I felt with him was what I missed most. If it was him here, not Jacob, I'd feel happier. If it was the Cullen's out there hunting Victoria, I'd be less worried. Not because I felt the wolves couldn't do their job, but because vampires seem so indestructible, whereas the pack seem so… human. I just wanted to with Edward right now, and that's why I was silent. Jacob just couldn't compare to Edward, not when I really thought about it. I felt guilty for having these thoughts, even more so when Jacob had no idea to the reason behind them.

"Bella, honey, I have to go. You need to sleep, and I have to go help Sam." As if I was getting any sleep tonight, but I just nodded anyway. I didn't trust myself to say anything because I knew I would cry; whether out of guilt for wanting Edward, not Jacob, or general sadness of not having Edward, I didn't know. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said quietly, with a weak smile. Panic flitted across his face, and I knew he saw through my façade. I walked him to the door, and kissed him gently goodbye. I shut the door before he had a chance to talk about my mood. I turned around to walk upstairs, and found Charlie waiting for me.

"What's wrong Bella?" I cursed at my behaviour over the past six months because they had caused Charlie to become so much more observant to my mood swings.

"Nothing, dad, don't worry. Jake and I just had a little bit of a disagreement earlier, but we'll be fine. I just need to sleep on it." I dodged passed him before he could ask anymore questions, and ran into my room. Retrieving Edward's note, I re-read it over and over again. There was a pressure on my chest, and I found it hard to breathe. I was crying relentlessly; I didn't know if I was going to live through the night – the note had said that I had no future, or at least, none Alice could see – and even if I did, I wasn't sure I had made the right choice. Earlier I had meant what I said to Jacob, nothing short of a live changing event would make me leave him and I was going to stick to it, no matter how much conflict I was in. I could argue with myself that my possible death was a life changing event, but I didn't know if that had changed now. I needed to talk to Alice. I needed to talk to Edward.

The clouds moved to leave the moon exposed. I hadn't closed my curtains, so I just stared up at it. I still didn't like darkness that much, but the moon made things slightly more bearable. The pale glow it cast showed the darkness in everything, making the world more believable. Although I loved the sun, it was too happy, and the world was anything but happy. I decided that if I was to live through the night, I would go and see Edward tomorrow. Jacob was picking me up from school, but I'd drive him down to La Push and claim I had to revise for finals. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, happy that tomorrow I would be able to see Edward again.

***

When I woke up the next morning, I knew something wasn't right; I felt very, very sick. Rushing to the bathroom, I threw up. I felt a bit better afterwards, and hoped that it was just a one off thing. I had no idea why I would be sick because I hadn't eaten anything dodgy, nor did I have any other symptoms of illness. Hoping it wasn't about to happen again, I started to have a shower. However, half way through, I felt the same queasiness, and was sick again. I figured it might just be nerves for the day ahead, and continued to get ready for school, ignoring the feeling in my stomach. I went downstairs to get some breakfast, and found Charlie pouring himself some tea before he went to work. He looked up at me and stopped.

"Bells, you alright? You look a bit pale…"

"I don't feel too good, if I'm honest. I've been sick twice already this morning. I'm going to try and eat some breakfast, and try and last throughout the day." I had to go see Edward this evening, but if I spent the day ill, Charlie would never let me go.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay home today?"

"No, I'll be fine, Dad. Don't worry. It's probably just nerves about going back." Charlie made a noise of recognition that what I said could be true, and continued to drink his tea. I made myself some toast, but while it was cooking, the smell was over powering, and I rushed upstairs and threw up again. Something wasn't right but I didn't know what it could be. Sighing, I went back and conceded that I couldn't go to school in this state. "I'll take the day off and I'll make myself a doctor's appointment."

"Good idea," Charlie agreed, "call me when you know what's wrong?"

"Sure, sure." I ambled towards the phone and rang the local doctors. "Hello, I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor today… As soon as possible… No, I'm free all day… Isabella Swan… Yes, Chief Swan's daughter… Yes, I should be at school today, but as I'm throwing up every 15 minutes, I didn't think it wise… Surprisingly yes, that's why I do want a doctors appointment… 11:30 would be perfect, thank you." I hung up, and started to dial Jacob's number. "Hey, is Jake there? Okay, thanks. Hey Jake! I won't be able to come over after school today; I've been throwing up all morning… Yeah, it does suck. Listen, how did it go last night?"

"We chased her out of Forks, but never managed to catch up with her. She seems to know the best way of escaping and is always one step in front of us. If she tries again, we'll get there then. Did you want me to cut school and come and look after you today?"

"No, that's okay Jake. I have a doctor's appointment at half eleven, so I'll text you with what they say, if you want?"

"Yeah, please Bella. Anyway, I have to go to school now." He sounded depressed, but I wasn't sure to why. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Cheer up, you don't sound happy…" He snorted, and then hung up. I figured that it probably had something to do with how I reacted last night, and I kicked myself for constantly hurting the people that meant most to me. I heard Charlie call to say goodbye, but my body was reacting to another round of nausea and I rushed and threw up again. Conceding defeat, I sat by the toilet and waiting until it was time for me to go to the doctors.

Time dragged, and by the time I had to leave, I'd thrown up once more. I was really starting to worry about what could be wrong and hoped the doctors might have insight. When I got in the surgery, I signed in and the receptionist told me to go straight in. I paused outside the door, and then pushed it open gently.

"Ah, Miss Swan, take a seat and tell me what I can do for you today." The doctor had a friendly tone of voice, and she was beautiful in a plain sort of way. I smiled, and took a seat.

"Basically, I woke up this morning and I've been throwing up since and I have no idea to why."

"Do you have a headache? Back ache? Pain any where else in your body?" I shook my head. "Have you eaten anything that may have caused this?" Again, I shook my head. "Hmm… When was your last period?" That question threw me.

"Erm… about a month ago, so I am due on… two days ago." Uh-oh.

"Are your periods regular usually?" I nodded. Regular as clockwork. "Okay, is there any chance you could be pregnant?" I hadn't even thought it possible but there was a chance. It was always heat of the moment with Jacob, and we didn't really use protection that often. I sat there, numb. "Isabella?" I nodded, still in shock. "Alright, I think it's best if you do a pregnancy test. Here," she handed me a little sample bottle. "There's a toilet just down the hallway." I took the bottle and stood up. While getting the sample, all I could think about was how this couldn't be happening. Charlie and Renée would both be so disappointed in me, Jacob wouldn't stay with me, and I'd be talk of the town. Chief Swan's only daughter, pregnant at 18, only been dating the father less than a month. How could this happen to me? How could I let it happen to me? I walked back into the doctor's office, and she went about testing the urine. There was silence and time felt like it had stopped.

"Well, Isabella, I have to inform you that you are pregnant. Do you know what you want to do?" I burst into tears; I couldn't do this. The doctor was clearly uncomfortable, and she handed me a tissue. I calmed myself down and tried to reason with myself.

"I'm not sure what I want to do, but I need time to think about it." I always needed time it seemed. The doctor nodded, and gave me some information sheets about pregnancy, having a baby, and abortions. I stared at the last one in horror; no matter how young I was, I couldn't ever abort this child. I thanked her and left the doctors not letting the situation crash down on me. I got into my truck, and started to drive but I wasn't going home. I couldn't be at home alone right now, it would be too much. I couldn't go and see Jacob, nor could I talk to Charlie. There was no one for me to talk to. Unless… would Edward be willing to listen to this? Would he forgive me and take me back? I couldn't stay with Jacob now; he was too young and already had too many responsibilities. He'd hate me for doing this, especially for not explaining, but he'd hate me more for forcing a child into his life. I decided to risk going up and seeing Edward.

The drive to Edward's house was so normal to me, that it was comforting. In a time like this, I need normality. Well, if you could call it normality; rushing to the house of my vampire ex-boyfriend who I'd only spoken to once in the pass six months. There was no such thing as normal to me anymore. I spotted the turning to his house, and slowly drove up the road, wondering what to say to him. As I turned the last corner, the house came into view. It looked the same as ever: big, beautiful and complimenting the green surroundings. It was still as over grown as the time I came up to try and get another delusion, but there was one main difference. I slowed to a stop outside the house, and slowly got out on the door, not taking my eyes off the porch. Standing there, with shock shaping his face, was Edward Cullen.

"Bella?" His beautiful voice reached my ears and set my heart beating faster than normal. I couldn't speak, I just continued to stare. He moved a step towards me, uncertain that it was what I wanted. I bit my bottom lip, using all the will power I had to not run up and throw myself into his arms. I had to keep reminding myself that he had hurt me beyond belief, and I shouldn't trust him. But by just looking into his eyes, I knew I'd forgiven him. Not because I had forgotten everything I had gone through – I don't think I'll ever forget – but because in his eyes was all the hatred and anger he felt towards himself for leaving me. There was no point in me not forgiving him when I knew he'd never forgive himself. He loved me and that much was clear from his tone of voice and the look in his eye. He wasn't going to leave me again because we are perfect for each other. Or at least, we were. Then I went and got pregnant with a werewolf baby, technically making me his mortal enemy. This was a bad idea. "Bella, love, are you okay?" The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. I caved, and rushed into his arms. Holding his face in my hands, I kissed him. He froze, obviously taken by surprise, then relaxed and kissed me back. Confined by his rules for my safety, the kiss didn't hold the same depth of passion as those I was use to with Jacob. That said, it was better than any of the kisses I'd had with Jacob because there was more love saturating this kiss than I ever thought possible.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I muttered, and then I broke down for reasons I had yet to explain.

**A/N: I think I mentioned somewhere that I was extremely Team Edward. This hasn't changed at all :D**


	8. Decisions

**A/N: Oh my, it's been too long! Sorry about the delay in updating, exams were more time consuming than I thought. I feel even worse, as I feel this chapter is quite weak. But, reviews would be very nice. I hope to finish the story in the next week or so, so watch this space. Sadly, I own nothing. All belongs to Ms Meyers.**

_Chapter Song – You Fight Me – Breaking Benjamin_

_Love is blinding, no surviving.  
I don't know what I want to be yet.  
But I can show that I need to see this.  
No time for lies and empty fights.  
I'm on your side._

_Can we live a life of peace and happiness?  
I don't think so._

Decisions

"I'm pregnant," I just blurted out. Edward and I were sitting on his sofa, tears still streaming down my face. It took me a while to gain control of my emotions enough to calm down, and I didn't think I would be able to say anything else to explain. I didn't plan how to do this, obviously, and so just saying it made sense. I regretted it straight away. Edward tensed in front of me with his emotions uncharacteristically displayed across his face. It took mere seconds before the poker face came back, but during that time I saw everything; confusion, shock, betrayal and finally despair. It was more than I could take so I looked away.

Silence filled the room and trying to get a grasp on my tears, I studied the front room. Nothing had changed in the six months Edward had been gone. The grand piano still stood in the corner on a raised platform; the television was still there, games and accessories included; pictures, paintings, decorations… It was as if everything had just been quickly discarded in their effort to leave. It wasn't helping me calm down and so I risked looking at Edward again. His intense golden eyes had a faint tint of black in them, but they bore into my eyes with such intensity; it was like Edward was trying to read my mind, even though he knew he couldn't.

"When did you find out?" he asked, gently. His voice portrayed nothing but worry for me.

"Today," I replied. "I woke up feeling sick, and booked a doctors appointment. I then realised I was two days late… I didn't even realise morning sickness can happen so early. I kept thinking there must be some sort of mistake. I… I don't know what to do Edward, I really don't. And I'm so sorry for making you deal with this. I understand if you don't want to, all you have to do is say!"

"Bella, do you really think I'll send you away when you're clearly upset? I guess it makes sense to why you're invisible to Alice now…" He paused for a moment, thoughtful. "Have you told Jacob?" I cringed at the change in Edward's voice, especially at the hatred behind the word 'Jacob'.

"Not yet. I don't know how to… He can't deal with this, and I don't want him to have to. I'm going to leave him."

"What? Why?" He shook his head. "I will never understand you, Bella. You truly are a complex creature." I scowled.

"He's too young for this. He already has enough responsibility with the pack in La Push, and he doesn't need a child added onto that… Don't look at me like that! I've made up my mind. I just… I need to find a way to… I don't know."

"What exactly did you have planned? I can see in your eyes that you won't consider aborting, but if you don't want him to take the responsibility – which, may I add, he damn well should do – then what options do you have left?" He trailed off, thoughtfully again. We had gotten to the crux on the problem. I wouldn't abort, but I couldn't let him know. On the way to Edward's, I had considered running away. I had quickly disregarded that option however, because I couldn't hurt Charlie like that. "Bella… You said you were going to leave him. Does that mean… you'll be coming back here, to me?"

"If you'll have me…" I was scared he'd say no. I was scared that everything was too different, or even if it wasn't now, it would be when the baby was born. I didn't know what to expect right now.

"What a stupid question! Of course I'll have you, Bella. I love you more than anything else in this world. I was dead before I met you, and I was born again the day you loved me. And my love for you will make this existence forever bearable, as long as you are there by my side." I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever, and went to hold his hand. Instead, he pulled me into a tight hug, and held me closer to him that usual. "No matter what happens Bella, I will be here, by your side for as long as you want me. I will not leave you again."

"I know." And I did know. It was hard to not believe him, no matter what had happened in the past. Edward may have a habit of keeping things from me, and this I knew, but he would never out right lie to me. At least, not again, as I knew that what he said in the forest was a lie. I still did not know exactly why he left me, but I knew that if I asked, he would explain. And it was enough for me. I was very much mistaken before when I thought I could ever resist him. True love is irresistible; he could have left for years, and I would have still run straight into his arms. "I love you, too Edward. More than anything, but what are we going to do?" There was more thoughtful silence.

"I did have an idea, but I don't think you'll like it…" I had never seen Edward look uncomfortable, and so I was worried about what his idea was. But I nodded anyway as a sign for him to carry on. "We could lie. If you don't want Jacob to know that this baby is his, and still keep it, the only thing I can think of is lying about the paternity of it…" Lie? I couldn't lie, Edward knew that. It was obvious when I lied, especially to people such as Jacob who really knew me. But it made sense; it was everything I wanted. And a reputation to go with me as well, wouldn't that be fun. I sighed, knowing it was the best option for me.

"I guess I could. But who would claim paternity? I mean, when the baby is born, they will have Jacob's skin colour, so it will be obvious that it is his; or at least, someone from La Push's…"

"I'd claim paternity, and we'd leave before the baby is born. Leaving is undesirable, but once you've graduated, you can claim college and go anywhere you wanted. And I would follow, regardless of where you went." I sat in shock. Edward would claim to be the father of this baby, even though it is technically his mortal enemy? Is there anything he wouldn't do for me? I didn't deserve him, I really didn't.

"Are you sure you'd be okay with that thought Edward? The pack would hate you, Charlie would hate you, and I will need help supporting the baby when it's born… And he will be a werewolf…"

"Well, that's the thing. It'll only be werewolf if it is male. You use "he" loosely, but you obviously don't know for sure yet. But regardless of the gender – male or female – I will help you both emotionally and financially. I promise."

"Thank you." It was all I could manage to say. I buried myself in Edward's arm, scared about what else the day was going to hold. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours, and we didn't say a word. It was so peaceful to be together again, and we both enjoyed it silently. I think I must have drifted into some form of sleep, because Edward was gently calling my name and telling me to wake up.

"Your phone is ringing, love." I could feel it vibrating in my pocket, but I had little intention of moving to get it. I groaned, and just shuffled further into Edward's chest. I heard him chuckle while moving away slightly, insisting that I answered the phone. Sighing, I reached into my pockets and answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella," it was Charlie. Great. "How did it go at the doctors? Where are you? I thought you said you'd call? I got worried when you didn't and went home and you aren't there. I thought you were ill?" He spoke quickly, clearly irritated. I couldn't blame him. I had to think fast, but luckily Edward could hear everything that Charlie was saying and he thought faster for me. Following prompts from him, I lied to Charlie.

"I'm with Alice, I saw her on the way back from the doctors. She came back with Carlisle to get Edward, and we went for a walk and I just lost track of time. The doctor gave me something to settle my stomach, hence why I don't feel so bad…" As if to remind me, my stomach gave an unsettling lurch. "Ugh, maybe I spoke too soon. I don't feel so good again. I'll be home soon, I promise. Bye, Dad!" I quickly hung up, and rushed to the Cullen's toilet. Edward was behind me every step of the way, and held my hair back while I threw up. It was quite undignified and I cringed at how it must have looked to Edward. Once my stomach had settled down, I stood up and rinsed my mouth out. Edward watched for a distance, waiting for another relapse. I caught him staring and he smirked. "What?"

"Well, I had noticed that you didn't feel sick all day, so I had started to wonder just how ill you were this morning. But I can see now just how bad it is."

"So why the smirk? Do you like seeing me in pain?" I glared at him. He looked offended.

"Of course not Bella, I just find it slightly humourous that I even considered the fact that you had managed to successfully lie to me. Clearly, I just managed to successfully distract you from feeling sick." I rolled my eyes and walked out of the bathroom. I had to prepare for going home and telling Charlie the truth. Or part of it, at least. I couldn't imagine how he was going to react and that scared me more. I wanted Edward there, but I didn't think it would be wise. This was something I was going to have to brave along. I sighed. "What's wrong?"

"I'm scared of telling Charlie. He's not going to like it in the slightest, especially not when I tell him you're the father. I don't want to do it alone…"

"You won't be alone." Confusion flitted across my face, and yet again, Edward smiled. "I may not be able to be in the same room as you, but I will wait upstairs for you. Charlie can only do some much, but I will be there regardless." There were no words that could describe how grateful I was to have Edward back in my life, so I just went up and threw myself to him and held him as close to me as possible.

***

I sat in my truck for a while before I was ready to go into the house and face Charlie. I could see his cruiser in the road and knew he'd be waiting. Edward had just kissed me briefly on the cheek and was currently waiting in my bedroom. He had called his family before we left, and they were on their way back to Forks. Edward didn't seem happy about their return, but wouldn't explain to me why. I was excited to being seeing Alice as soon as I could, even though I didn't know when that would be. I took a deep breath and got out of the truck and went indoors.

"Bella?" I followed the sound of Charlie's voice into the front room, and saw both him and Jacob sitting on the sofa. I felt the colour drain from my face. Jacob looked tense, and very angry. Deliberately, he took in a deep intake of air through his nose, letting me know that he could smell Edward upstairs. His eyes bore into mine, and I looked quickly to the floor, guilt flowing through me. When Edward and I had planned this, it was only meant to be Charlie here. This wasn't going anywhere close to plan.

"Hey Dad, Jacob," I said slowly. Neither of them took their eyes off me and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

"How you feeling now?"

"Better, thank god. I guess those tablets help settle my stomach…" I trailed off, fear consuming everything. I took a deep breath; it was now or never. "Actually, I need to talk to you both about that…" I looked at them, and they both looked confused. The anger from Jacob's face hadn't disappeared completely, but concern could also be seen there as well. "I… I'm pregnant." I told myself that one day, I'd learn how to gently break this type of news to those that I loved, because this method really didn't work out too well.

It was as if someone had stripped both Charlie and Jacob's faces of all other emotions, and just painted shock on them. They both had exactly the same expression, and if the situation wasn't so serious, it may have been funny. Charlie was the first one to react again, and he suddenly looked angry; not at me, but at Jacob.

"You!" he screamed. "What do you have to say for yourself?" Jacob still looked shocked and couldn't answer. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I sighed at the betrayal to come, and hoped that I could lie my way through it. I didn't want to say this, and I was sure they would both see through it. Hating myself more than I ever thought I possibly could, I opened my mouth to hurt the people I loved more than I ever thought I could.

"It's not Jacob's."


	9. Family

**A/N: A really short chapter, but it's the more the ending of the last chapter, and the setting up for the next. Two updates in one night, I'm getting back into the pattern XD Reviews welcome, and like always, I own nothing. **

_Chapter Song – Over My Head – The Fray_

_I never knew; _

_I never knew that everything was falling through._

_That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue_

_To turn run _

_When all I needed was the truth._

_But that's how it's gotta be. _

There was silence in the room, and no one was looking at each other. My heart was racing, and I wanted nothing more to run upstairs into the arms of Edward. Jacob looked crushed and broken; betrayal and hurt emanated from his huge body, filling the air with sadness. Charlie looked just a betrayed, but I felt that was more shock that his daughter could hurt someone so much rather than the fact I was pregnant so young. If I had confirmed that truth, that this baby was Jacob's, I don't think Charlie would have minded so much. He'd still be angry, naturally, but it's someone he approves of. The silence was dragging on, and I decided it was time to break it.

"I'm sorry…" I mumbled, to no one in particular. I was sorry, more than they realised. I was sorry for being pregnant, for being irresponsible, but most of all, I was sorry for lying and hurting them both this much. I was glad that no one was looking at me, because I was sure that they would be able to see that I was lying. At that moment, Jacob looked up and we made eye contact. I felt like screaming; the pain in his eyes was unbearable.

"Whose?" he whispered, anguish layering his voice. The question I didn't want to answer because I was sure it was hurt him even more. Charlie was looking at me again, with hope in his eyes; not hope that I'd admit to the lie he was unaware of, but the type of hope that says 'it can be anyone's, just not Edward Cullen's'. I broke eye contact and looked towards the floor, preparing myself to deliver the deadly blow.

"Edward's," I said, emotionless.

"Oh," Jacob said, quickly standing up and walking towards the door. He paused next to me, and I could see him shaking. "So everything you ever said was a lie? Huh, I guess I should've expected that. Well. Thanks for nothing Bella." He voice broke, and he ran out of the house. I closed my eyes and waited for some form of death to strike me. This wasn't right; I shouldn't be allowed to live while I hurt those I love so much. I heard a howl outside, and I knew exactly who it was, and the tears started to flow. No words would ever be able to explain the pain that was behind the noise. Jacob had trusted me and I had broken him completely. I was the monster, not the werewolves and vampires that plagued the world. I should have found a different way. Or at least, I should have found a different way to tell him. But I couldn't change the past; I could only hope that time would heal his wounds somehow. Tears were still falling down my cheeks when I opened by eyes and saw Charlie's hateful stare.

"How could you, Bella?" The anger flowing through his voice was like knives stabbing. "How could you hurt Jacob like that? Did it not occur to you that men have emotions too? Or are you just too blind to see how much Jacob loves you? I mean, my _God_ Bella, Edward's been back how long? And you've been cheating on Jacob with him since then? Don't you remember what he did to you? How you were for _months_ after he left? Because I do; I remember the lifeless Bella. The Bella who couldn't smile, the Bella who couldn't feel. The months of being a zombie and then how Jacob helped you. How Jacob put a smile back on your face and helped you get over him. And you threw that all away. How…" he stuttered into silence. "I don't even know you anymore." He didn't raise his voice. In fact, he managed to keep it calm and in control the whole time. It was worse, because yelling I could deal with – I would just yell back. But calmness and control? There was no retaliation to that.

"Of course I remember what I was like after Edward left, Dad. It's not something I'll ever be able to forget. But he explained it to me, and he never wanted to leave. He always loved me, but circumstances were difficult. And he thought that if I believed he didn't love me, I would move on quicker. Clearly, he was mistaken. And once he explained that to me, I… I couldn't…" I had no words to explain this. Edward had explained earlier today why they'd left. His fear for my safety was the driving force, especially since Jasper tried to attack me. But even if his reasons weren't, hypothetically, in my best interested, I would have still forgiven him at some point. It's just easier knowing that he was doing it because he loved me. I suddenly realised why Edward was worried about his family's return, and I was too; if there was another accident, what was to stop Edward from leaving again? I stopped that spiral of thoughts there, because now wasn't the time to panic about that. I would question Edward about it later… "Dad, I love him. I love him more than anyone, and Jacob knew that. I told Jacob from the beginning how I felt about Edward, and how utterly in love with him I was. I didn't intend on hurting Jacob this way."

"And that makes it okay, does it? The fact you were going behind his back with Edward is justified by the fact that you told Jacob that you loved Edward more? That's bull and you know it Bella! And what if you didn't get pregnant, which is so irresponsible of you by the way. If you hadn't, would you have told Jacob then? Or would you have continued to lie to him, while screwing your ex behind his back?" He was shouting now, anger reaching a point that I'd never seen him get to before. Everything he said was a justified retort from the lie I told him, but I reacted anyway, not wanting to hear this.

"It wasn't like that, okay? It was just a one off with Edward and it wasn't until I fell pregnant that I decided which way I wanted to go. It was today that I decided I wanted to be with Edward, and today that I told Jacob about it. If I hadn't fallen pregnant, then I wouldn't have chosen; not yet, anyway. But as nothing was happening between Edward and me since that one off, it's not 'screwing my ex behind Jacob's back', as you so nicely put it." I had no real reason to raise my voice, but I did it anyway. The sooner this argument had finished, the sooner I could go upstairs and see Edward. It made sense to raise my voice, in the sense I could storm upstairs as soon as I saw fit.

"And what exactly are you going to do about the baby?" That question stopped me dead; he actually needed to ask?

"Keep it, of course." I stared at him like he was crazy to even think otherwise, let alone suggest. Although he had shouted the last question at me, I answered in a small voice, all anger leaving me quickly. He replied in a quiet voice also.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do? I mean, have you told Edward? What makes you think he'll support you?" The way that Charlie was pulling at straws, anything to make me reconsider, made me laugh.

"Yes, I've told Edward. He was the first person I told. The first thing he told me is that he'll never make the same mistake again, and will support me whatever I decide to do. He loves me, Dad. And he will do what's right for me, and we're going to keep this baby, and bring the baby up as we see fit. We've already spoken to Carlisle and Esme, and they're willing to help out as much as they possibly can, even though they were a little shocked by it, as I'm sure you are." I was speaking rationally again now, hoping that there was a peaceful resolution to this. Apparently I was wrong.

"Right. So everything is all perfect with the Cullen's again?" Sarcasm filled the air, as anger filled Charlie's stare at me. I realised telling Charlie that the Cullen's knew before he did wasn't really a smart idea. I sighed, getting ready for round two.

"Yes."

"Bella, I'm going to be honest with you now, and you won't like it. What you've done is stupid and irresponsible. The fact you're even considering keeping this child is even more stupid, and I won't allow it. You cannot handle looking after a baby – you're still a child yourself! I'm asking you… No, I'm telling you…"

"Are you suggesting that I abort your grandchild?" I asked, cutting him off midsentence. He looked me square in the eyes.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. But I won't. I refuse. And there is nothing you can do to make me abort this baby; nothing what so ever!" I screamed. I was seeing red; this was the angriest I had ever been. I couldn't believe what Charlie was suggesting! He wanted me to kill his grandchild? Kill a part of me? I couldn't. I wouldn't. The stubbornness I felt about keeping the child was reflected in Charlie's eyes about aborting it.

"Then I'm afraid to say you're not welcome here. You seem to be desperate for the whole adult experience, so you can have it. All of it."

"Fine, I'll leave now. I'm sure the _Cullen's_ won't object to me staying with them." I could tell Charlie really didn't expect me to agree to it, but I wasn't in the mood to argue. I knew I had a place to stay for however long I wanted with Edward, and if Charlie was going to resort to blackmail, then I would leave. I wasn't one to be forced into doing something I didn't agree with, not by guilt. "You're right though, if you really thought that would make me abort; you don't know me at all. How does that make you feel, Charlie, not knowing your own daughter?" Anger and hatred lavished my voice, and with that I turned round and ran upstairs to Edward. He had heard the whole thing, and when I opened my door, he was sitting on the bed with packed bags next to him. I looked at his face, and saw sadness in his eyes. He didn't want me to have to do this, but he understood that life doesn't always go the way you want. "Thank you," I whispered, as I ran into his arms and kissed him. "I'll meet you back at home. I love you."

"And I love you, Bella. Always." With that, he jumped out the window, and I picked up my bags and walked downstairs. Charlie was standing by the stairs, and just watched as I walked away, without saying a single word.


	10. Time

**A/N: Longest chapter so far! And it was gonna be longer, but I decided to stop it there. This means that when I said I only had 3 chapters left, about 2 or 3 chapters back, I was being overally short sighted. I do know how I'm going to end this, and it will be ended shortly. Two more main chapters left, and a epilogue. So enjoy, and comments are welcomes. Again, I own nothing apart from the very vague story line xD **

_Chapter Song – Pins and Needles – Billy Talent_

_Is it worth the pain?_

_With no one to take the blame,_

_For all of my insecurities,_

_How did I ever let you go? _

I knew already that time always passed, no matter how difficult the situation was. This wasn't the most difficult situation I'd ever been in; Edward leaving will always be the hardest time of my life, so it shouldn't have come as such a shock to me at how quickly time was passing. After I had told Charlie about the baby, I drove up to Edward's house to find the whole of the Cullen family waiting on the doorstep, smiles across most of their faces. The only exception, surprisingly, was Jasper; even Rosalie was smiling. Alice was bouncing in the front, clearly waiting for me to step out of my truck so she could rush over. Her smile was most prominent, and I realised just how much I missed her. I stepped out of the van, and she started towards me but Jasper gently laid a hand on her and shook his head. Edward shot him a look, and suddenly looked anxious which made me worry. I stood by the van as I watched Jasper approach, my eyes fixed on him, although I could see Edward in the background, analysing the situation. Apparently Jasper's mindset was peaceful, because Edward relaxed as Jasper reached me.

"Bella," he said, with pain in his voice, "You have no idea how sorry I am about what happened on your 18th birthday. I wish to apologise for all the pain I've put you through over the past 7 months. If it wasn't for me, my family would never have left. I am truly sorry. I promise never to hurt you again. Can you forgive me?"

"Jazz, I forgave you on my 18th birthday. I never even held you responsible. There is nothing to forgive." Jasper smiled, and pulled me into a hug. Shocked, I tensed up, until I realised that Jasper wouldn't hurt me, and so I hugged him back. Within seconds, I was surrounded by all of Cullen's, hugging me and holding me tightly. Alice jumped on me and wouldn't let me go, and I was sure that if she could cry, she would.

"Bella, I've missed you so much. You scared me when you're future disappeared. I didn't keep looking on you though, I gave you privacy. But I was so close to coming back and seeing you, it's been unbearable without you. The happiness in this family was depleted. Even Rose told us to come back months ago! We've _all_ missed you. Oh Bella! I love you!" Alice said this all so fast, and some parts slightly hysterically, that I had trouble keeping up. I laughed and just told her that she was back now, and that she wasn't ever allowed to leave again. She smiled at that, and let me go, although she did take my hand. With Edward holding one hand, and Alice holding the other, I looked at my new family and smiled.

"C'mon," Carlisle said, "Let's go in and welcome Bella home."

That was the first night of my new life. It was strange being the only one who slept, only one that ate. For a while, I didn't want to sleep as I'd rather stay up and talk to them about everything, but with school and finals, I had to. It was easier to sleep with Edward humming to me. School was hard; everyone knew that the Cullen's were back, and everyone knew that I was back with Edward. The day I went back after finding out I was pregnant, everyone was asking me the same questions.

"So are you and Cullen back together?"

"What happened to that La Push kid?"

"Are you seeing both of them at the same time?"

It was getting tiresome having to explain to everyone that Jake and I broke up and that Edward and I got back together. No one could really understand it, but I couldn't expect them too. Finals came and went, and with Edward helping me, I think I passed them. I'd applied to college, just for a reason to move out of Forks, and we had decided to go to Alaska. I had got my acceptance letter, and if it wasn't for Jacob, life couldn't have gotten much better.

Charlie came up to the Cullen's house about a week after I had stormed out. It was in the evening, and he demanded to see me. I went to talk to him, and was shocked by what I saw. Charlie was a mess; he looked like he hadn't slept and looked very guilt-ridden. I suddenly realised how selfish I was by moving out when I did. Charlie hadn't handled Harry's death very well, and for his daughter to up and leave because of one single fight was heart breaking to him. I could see it in his eyes. He was sorry he tried to force me into abortion, and he never meant for me to move out. I had just taken the argument too literal, and too far.

"Hey Dad," I said, when I saw him. There was an awkward pause before he replied.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to move out, I was just angry and in denial. I thought that you were too young, but I can see that you're resourceful. I should have realised that you wouldn't terminate the life of this child, and I should have realised that you are responsible enough to look after it. Especially with the father by your side." Ouch. "I just wanted to apologise, and ask you to come home. I over reacted, I'm sorry."

"I forgive you, but only if you forgive me. I shouldn't have left like that, it was childish. I didn't mean to hurt you either, and for that I'm sorry too. But… I can't move back home." His face fell. "I am really sorry, but the house isn't suitable for a baby. Everything has been set up here, and it'll be better for both the baby and me in the long run. I'll come down and see you though, every day. It'll be like I'm just on a constant sleepover." He nodded even though I could see he wasn't happy about it. I didn't want to move home because I didn't want to be away from Edward again. It hurt too much, and I was scared that if I was to turn away for a mere moment, he would be gone. Of course, he had spent a lot of time trying to convince me differently, and I knew my fears were irrational, but it wouldn't stop them for manifesting.

True to my word, I saw Charlie pretty much daily. After school and after finals, I went back to his and spent the evenings with him. I cooked him dinner and we talked about everything. After finals and during the summer, I'd spend all day with Charlie, going out and just doing stuff. The only place we didn't go was La Push, and the only person we didn't talk about was Jacob. Everything else came naturally; he was even there for my first scan, and his eyes lit up when he saw his future grandchild. He had truly accepted my decisions, and was supporting me in any way possible. I still hadn't told Renée, but I had no idea how to. That was something that I would wait to do.

Jacob still hadn't spoken to me since I had told him. I had no idea how he was doing and that was painful. I wanted to go to La Push and talk to him, but I was too scared about his reaction. Somehow the treaty remained stable, and none of the werewolves went onto Cullen land or tried to attack them while they were hunting. For this I was grateful, because I didn't think I could cope with a war between the two halves of my heart. I missed Jacob a lot, and Edward could tell. There were nights where I'd wake up crying, calling out for Jacob. Edward was there to calm me down each time, but I could see the look of pain on his face. He wasn't sure if I was making the right decisions.

"Edward, the hurt I feel from not having Jacob in my life is nothing compared to when you weren't there. I know who I can't live without, and it's the person who is holding me close right now. Never forget that." I wanted to try and forget about Jacob, but the pregnancy was making that difficult. Time was moving quicker than I thought possible, and I was soon 20 weeks pregnant and was going for the scan that could potentially find out the gender of the baby. I was scared because if the baby was a boy, it would make him a werewolf. Edward may have said that he would support me through anything, but I knew this would make matters more complicated. By the time my baby hit teenage years, they would be a werewolf. Frozen in age, and innately programmed to hurt what they would call their family. Everyone said that it would be easy to overcome, because love can override innate urges. Edward's and mine relationship was a sure example of that.

The day of my scan was a sunny day, so Edward had to stay at home. He was angry about that, feeling it was his role to be there. Instead, Charlie was coming with me. I could tell that Charlie was annoyed that Edward wasn't coming, feeling he was pushing off his responsibilities.

"Seriously Bella, Edward should be here. We're finding out the gender of his baby today, don't you think that's a little bit more important than whatever it is he's doing?" Charlie asked on the way to the hospital. I rolled my eyes.

"He wanted to be here, but Esme is really ill. Carlisle had to go out of town to get something for her, and Edward is staying at home to look after her. They all feel horrible that he can't come, but it's not something he can help. But at least you're going to be there."

"Hmph. So, have you thought of any names yet?"

"Yeah. Well, mainly boys names. I was thinking of Blake, possibly. Or maybe Jack. As for girls name… Well, I haven't really thought at all for that. I like the name Amy…" I was convinced the baby was a boy anyway, so I really hadn't thought of any girls' name. I adored the name Blake, because it was a mixture of Bella and Jake. And Jack was just a spin off from Jake. Even if Jacob didn't know this baby was his, I needed some sort of reminder. I think Charlie noticed the similarities to Jacob's name as he raised his eyebrow at the male names but said nothing. The rest of the car journey passed in silence.

We got to the hospital and quickly went to maternity, not wanting to be late. We got there was five minutes to spare and was told to wait in the waiting room. Appointments were running late, and we were waiting for fifteen minutes before we got called in. The midwife started the procedure and I held my breath in anticipation. The room was filled with the heartbeat of my baby, and I could see them on the screen in front of me. I turned to Charlie and smiled.

"Congratulations, Miss Swan. You're having a baby boy." I looked at the monitor in wonder, looking into the face of my son.

***

Time continued to pass quickly, and soon I was eight and a half months pregnant. That's when the news came. Edward and I were at Charlie's house for the evening when Charlie got a phone call.

"Hello?" he answered. "Oh hey, Billy. How are you? How are things in La Push?" There was a pause as Billy answered, and stress could clearly be seen on both Charlie's and Edward's face. Edward could hear what Billy was saying, and could read Charlie's reaction to it. "I see. Well, that's good news really Billy. At least you know he's safe now… Yeah, Bella is here… Jacob wants to talk to her? What… why? Well, if you're sure, I'll pass you over…" With that, he held the phone out to me, with a strange look on his face. There was concern, but something else as well.

"Hello?" I breathed. If Jacob was on the other end, it would be the first time in eight months that I had spoken to him.

"Bella," It was Jacob. My heart started racing and I had so many questions I had to ask him, but the stress in his voice stopped me from speaking. There was a pause. "How are you doing?"

"Good," I whispered, not having the strength to say anything more. I could tell he didn't want to talk to me, and I couldn't blame him. "What about you?"

"Been better, but that doesn't matter. Look, I've been scouting for the past few months, trying to track Victoria. I lost her for a while, but I've recently picked up her trace, and its leading back here. Just thought you and your vampires should be aware of this, although I'm sure Alice has already seen that. But the pack will be hunting her too. So, just thought I'd give you the heads up as the pack will only hunt our side of the treaty line. Well, that's all I wanted to say. Bye Bella." With that, he hung up. I didn't have time to say anything to him, and my brain was racing. Edward had heard every part of the conversation, and had already excused himself to call Alice. Alice hadn't seen anything coming but because of my son, she hadn't seen much lately. I was blocking her vision, something that caused her great discomfort, even though she tried to hide that fact from me.

"What did Jacob want to say Bells?" Charlie asked. I still wasn't very good at lying, or thinking fast, and my mind drew a blank.

"Just to see how I was doing… He said he wasn't doing so well, but that's about it. Hung up real quick as well… I should go find Edward, excuse me." I went into the kitchen and found Edward still on the phone to Alice, stress covering his face. He saw me enter, and said goodbye to Alice. In a fluid motion, he pulled me close to him. I should have known my happiness couldn't have lasted.

"Don't worry Bella; we won't let her hurt you. I promise." I simply nodded and didn't let myself think about it, knowing that if I did, I would end up crying. I sighed.

"Let's go home." We said our goodbyes to Charlie, and when he hugged me goodbye, I could tell he was worried. He had picked up the change in atmosphere between Edward and me, and was concerned about it, especially close to the baby's due date. Before he could say anything, I kissed his cheek and got into Edward's car. We rushed back home to confer with the rest of the family. Knowing that talks about Victoria would do little but upset me, I decided I didn't want to be apart of this conversation. Edward heard perfectly what Jacob had said, so I wasn't needed at all. "Edward, do you mind if I sit the conversation about Victoria out? I don't feel up to talking about the psychotic vampire and her intent to murder me."

"That's fine love, but are you okay?" He sound concerned, probably by my tone of voice. I hadn't had any hormonal mood swings that normal pregnant women were meant to have, so it was abnormal for me to be moody and sullen. I just nodded and walked into the house, and straight to my room. I could feel all of the eyes of my new family on me, and I felt sorry for Jasper who was getting my emotions first hand. I wasn't just scared about Victoria coming to find me. It was more than that; I was mortified at how much I hurt Jacob. He said he had been scouting, but what did he mean by that? Is that why Charlie never mentioned him, because he was never there? Had Jacob run away from La Push and I just never knew it? Had I forced him away from the people he loved in my effort to protect him from the responsibilities the truth held? Even if Jacob had done that, he still came back to warn me, which he didn't have to do. I hoped he didn't feel obligated to me in anyway, because I truly didn't deserve someone like him to be looking out for me. I couldn't even understand why he was looking for Victoria in the first place; I had hurt him so much, he should have been eager for my death, not actively stopping it.

I reached the bedroom that Edward and I shared and walked in. It was the same as before, except the giant bed that had be brought for me to sleep in at night. When I first saw the bed, I tried to convince Edward that it had better uses than just sleeping, but he didn't agree. Sadly, since having a physical relationship with Jacob, I had desired the same level of intimacy with Edward. More so than before. But he still refused to give in, talking about my safety. I had tried arguing that I wouldn't be in danger, but when he mentioned the potential danger to the baby, I quickly stopped harassing him about it. No matter how great the desire, I would never harm my son. He meant everything to me. I had decided on the name Blake, because it felt like a mixture of Bella and Jake.

Shrugging off all thoughts, I got changed into my night clothes and climbed into bed. I curled up as tightly as I could around my baby bump, and let the emotions I had be fighting early over come me. It was useless to even think that Edward wouldn't be aware of what was happening; even if he couldn't read my mind, he could read Jasper's, who would be getting the first hand experience of the hurt I was feeling. Edward was by my side before the tears even hit the pillow. I could feel hysterics building, and from past experiences, I knew the best thing was the let them out. I cried for hours into Edward's cold arms, muttering under my breath about how cruel I really was. Edward couldn't calm me, because for the first time in months, it was Jacob I really wanted to see. I cried for at least an hour before I realised what I had to do. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I had to try. Concentrating on my breathing, I stopped myself from sobbing, enough so that I could talk.

"I'd like to go for a walk," I stated bluntly.

"Okay, I'll come with you. Where did you want to go?"

"No, Edward, I want to go for a walk. Alone." I saw the confusion and panic in his eyes. With Victoria close by, I figured that the chances of Edward actually allowing me to go were slim. But if I could convince him, then I could walk to Jacob's and talk to him. I didn't know what good it would do, but I needed to do it. "Please Edward; I need to just clear my head."

"I can't let you do that Bella… It's not safe. Not with Victoria so close by." I started to cry again, begging through the sobs. "Bella, please don't do this. You know I can't resist you when you beg. I find it hard enough to deny you anything on the best of occasions…"

"Please, Edward." I looked into his eyes, and I saw that I had won this argument, somehow.

"Fine. But if you're not back within an hour, I'm coming to find you. And keep your phone on you at all times. And for goodness sake, please keep yourself safe. I love you."

"Thank you." I kissed him on the lips, and rushed to get dressed. Within minutes I was running downstairs and out of the house. I swear I could have heard Emmett call 'where's the fire', but I didn't stop to check. It would have made more sense to take a car, but I was in no fit state to drive. I hoped that I could get into the boundaries of La Push within the hour, knowing that Edward wouldn't look for me there. He'd just call me, and I'd explain then. I stumbled into the woods, and worked towards the general direction of La Push.

In my haste, I fell a few times, but being clumsy, that was to be expected. I realised about ten minutes into my escape to Jacob's that this was a badly thought out plan, and too impulsive. I was never exactly good at making my way through the woods, especially not the miles it would take to walk to La Push. Pretty soon I was lost, and was about to call Edward to come get me, knowing he'd be able to follow the scent. I was hunting around for my phone when I heard it. Behind me, there was a deep chuckle. I whirled around, trying to find out where it came from. I saw nothing in the darkness, but heard another chuckle from behind me. I tensed in fear just as the moon came out from behind the clouds, casting light on the mysterious chuckler. The dark red eyes focused completely on me as she took one step towards me.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"


	11. Fight

**A/N: I realised that I had messed up with the time line a little bit. Bella is 8 and a half months pregnant, meaning that it's about mid November, early December time. This means that she's already gone to college, but I forgot to mention it. So the news came (in previous chapter) when she came home for the weekend to see Charlie. So yes, she IS at college, HAS moved away from Forks, but this happens IN Forks because she's come home to visit. Make sense? This is what I get for trying to get it all out xD **

**Enjoy and review. And again, I own nothing.  
**

_Chapter Song – Natural Life – Breaking Benjamin_

_I don't wanna feel your new disease_

_The natural life,_

_You're born – you die._

_The natural life,_

_You're wrong – you're right._

_The natural life,_

_You're born – you die._

_The natural life's a lie. _

Fight

I was completely frozen, my eyes locked on the woman in front of me. She was as beautiful as I remembered, but much more terrifying. Her fiery red hair was illuminated by the moon light and her red eyes were darker than before. She had the grin that I had always imagined her with. There was victory in her pose; she knew that I was completely defenseless. I couldn't call for Edward because he wouldn't get here fast enough, and the wolves wouldn't go onto Cullen land. I was going to die; me and my baby. My heart was pounding in the chest as if to remind me how painfully vulnerable I was. I was weighing up my options when she spoke.

"Hello, Bella. Remember me?" she taunted.

"Of course. How are you, Victoria?" I needed to stall her for as long as possible. I had my phone in my hand, having just found it when Victoria made her presence known. I knew Edward was on speed dial, so I hoped to call him and for him to realise what was happening. In order to do that, however, I need time. Victoria's eyes were glued to my face, so I took the chance of holding down the button which would connect me to Edward. The phone lit up at the action, and Victoria's eyes snapped down to it. She saw what I was doing, and her eyes lit up even more.

"Calling for help? Ah, Bella dear, there's no one that can help you. Even though Eddie dearest is back, he'll never make it in time. He'd only find your bloodless, dead corpse." She laughed, and lowered into a crouch. I hoped Edward had answered by now and I hoped he would be able to get here in time. Victoria was able to out run me, find me wherever I hid, and as long as I was alone, I didn't have a change of survival. However, I couldn't just stand here and let her kill me in cold blood. I had to run; I dropped the phone and turned in the other direction, calling for Edward.

I ran as fast as I possibly could, knowing that it wouldn't be enough. If Victoria hadn't seen me make the phone call, she might've entertained my need for a cat and mouse hunt. But she knew that Edward was likely to be coming as fast as he possibly could, and as such, she had no time to scare and torture me. At least I had that to be grateful for. Laurent had said that she had intentions to torture me and truly make me pay for James' death, and that was what scared me the most. I was never scared of death as death is peaceful. I found comfort in the fact that no matter what she was to do to me, at some point, it would all be over, and I would never have to think about it again.

But to die was to lose Edward, and I couldn't let that happen. Edward always claimed that he couldn't live without me, and the separation before showed that. Since his return, we had been become closer than ever, and the thought of his reaction to my death made me run even harder. I paid no attention to where I was running, knowing that Edward could follow my scent. Sadly, it meant that Victoria could too. I risked looking behind me and saw she wasn't following. I stopped and looked around, not seeing her anywhere. It was futile to hide, but I felt uncomfortable standing here in the open. I turned to carry on running and that's when I saw her dead in front of me. I screamed, and tried to turn, but she grabbed me and I fell onto the floor.

"Now, you will finally pay for what your boyfriend did to James. I hope he's close enough to see this in my mind, to watch through my eyes as I kill you."

"Please… please don't do this…" I begged, tears streaming down my face. She just laughed in my face while dragging me somewhere in the forest. Even though I must have felt like a rag doll to her, she kept yanking and pulling the single arm she was holding, and at one point, my shoulder dislocated. I scream in agony, and called out for Edward again. My other arm was curled around my baby, hoping to protect him from most of the damage. Suddenly, Victoria stopped moving, and started looking around with a look of fear on her face. That's when I heard it; the deep growls of wolves.

She dropped my arm, where it laid lifeless by my side. I had no feeling in it. I curled up in a ball, as tightly as possible, to try and minimize where I laid. The smaller I was, the less chance I would get hurt in the fighting that was about to take place. The wolves jumped into the forest, and placed themselves between me and the vampire. It was difficult as there were trees and bushes, but somehow they managed. One wolf, with jet black eyes and russet coloured fur, nudged me and implied I should get on his back. I looked into the eyes of Jacob Black for the first time in 8 months, and attempted to do what he asked. I was cut in many places, and my arm was completely numb to me. Blood was sending Victoria into a frenzy and I could see her watching me from behind the wall of wolves. Her eyes didn't leave me as I struggled to get onto Jacob's back, but I didn't have the strength to hold on. I heard Jacob whimper, but I just shook my head. I would have to stay here. Victoria shrieked, demanding Jacob's full attention, and I watched as the pack started to close in on her. She gave me one final look of hatred then spun around to leave.

Hidden amongst the trees was the Cullen family, waiting to catch Victoria when she went over that side of the treaty line. I saw Edward looking at me as I cried into the ground, broken and bleeding. Victoria saw the Cullens when I did, and she realised she was cornered. There was no way out; behind her were the wolves, in front of her was my family. There was nowhere for her to run. In her attempt to get revenge for James, she had caused her own demise.

"Jacob, get Bella out of here, she doesn't need to see this," Edward growled. Jacob whimpered in return, probably telling Edward that he had tried to move me, but I was too weak to move. In retaliation, Edward growled even louder toward Victoria. "For what you've done to Bella tonight, you will pay." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the fight, but it wasn't enough. I heard Victoria screamed, and the metallic sound of teeth ripping apart her body. Her scream suddenly stopped and I risked opening my eyes.

In front of me, I saw vampires and wolves fighting together against Victoria. I understood now why Victoria had stopped screaming; in Jacob's mouth was Victoria's head. She never stood a chance against a force the size of this. Emmett and Jasper were starting a fire, and soon I could smell the too sweet scent of burning vampire flesh. For a while, there was silence as werewolf and vampire alike starting picking up every piece of Victoria and burning her.

"Sam, maybe I have permission to cross the treaty line and see Bella, please?" I heard Edward beg. Even though I had my eyes open, I couldn't see. I numbly wondered whether I had gone into shock, but I couldn't put coherent thoughts together to work out completely. I heard a growl coming from the side of me which shocked me. I hadn't felt the heat coming from the close werewolf until I heard him growl. I didn't know which werewolf it was, but I had a pretty good guess. "Bella?" Edward's voice was closer now, so I assumed Sam let him pass. I still couldn't see, or move, or even think. "I'm going to take you home now Bella," he whispered quietly to me. "Carlisle, I think Bella's in shock and has a dislocated shoulder… Jacob, what are you doing?" I felt the air change beside me.

"What were you thinking, _bloodsucker_, letting Bella out of your sight with Victoria close by? I didn't come back just for you to let her get herself killed! Especially so heavily pregnant with your child! I mean, how stupid _are_ you? Or do you just not care about her like I do?" I heard Jacob shouting, and I wanted to stick up for Edward. Explain that I made him let me go, because I needed to see Jake. I didn't want all these people here though, but I didn't think I'd be able to make them go. I tried to pull myself together when I heard Edward reply.

"She wanted to go and there was no stopping her. I was going to give her fifteen minutes head start before I started to follow her, make sure she's okay. I admit it was a stupid idea, but I can't deny Bella anything. Not after everything I put her through before. You will never know how grateful I am towards you. You protected her when I wasn't there, and you carried on protecting her to this day, and for that, I thank you."

"Sure, sure. You're just thanking me because you got to be with her again. I don't understand why Bella would ever choose you. You're not even alive. The sad part of that _thing_ growing inside her is that it'll be a monster. Just like its father, it'll be dangerous and ruin the lives of everyone. I could have made Bella happy, and we could've had a normal life. She will never have that with you; you have damned her to your existence. Well, I hope you're happy. You've fundamentally killed her!" Jacob shouted at Edward. It was more than I could bear.

"Stop it, please you two." I said quietly, not having the strength to raise my voice. They continue to glare at each other over my body, but neither said another word. I looked around at the spectators, and they all looked uncomfortable with the confrontation between Edward and Jacob. I sighed. "Could you guys please give us some privacy?" I saw Carlisle nodded, and the Cullen's quickly disappeared. The pack was less eager to go, and I heard Sam whimper. I looked at him directly in the eyes, trying to be reassuring. "Don't worry; I'll make sure neither of them tries to kill the other."

"Just go Sam," Jacob said, dejectedly. With a small yelp, Sam left with the pack following. It was just Edward, Jacob and me. I decided to speak up.

"Don't be angry at Edward for letting me go out for a walk, Jake, I was walking to see you. I probably should have driven, but I wasn't thinking straight." Edward tensed beside me, pained that I had left to see Jacob. Jacob looked like he was in pain as well.

"You put yourself in danger to see me… Why? I mean, it's not like I mean anything to you."

"Jacob, you mean a lot to me. I've been in a state the past 8 months, not being able to talk to you, not knowing if you were okay… And then when you called today, every fear I had was confirmed. And I just had to see you again. I had to try and make things better. I don't know how to, but I have do. I can't let you hurt like this."

"Sure, sure. You know exactly how to make this right, but you won't. You had the change 8 months ago. You know I would have forgiven you for cheating me, hell, I still will. I just can't be with you while you've got a monster inside of you. Any other baby and I would have been there for you. For a while, I denied that it was his and told myself you were lying, that it was really mine but for some reason you didn't want to tell me. Time passed, but you showed no sign of it being mine. I stayed in La Push for a month before I left, waiting every day for the phone call that said you were lying. Then I heard that you had moved in with him, and I knew then that you weren't. And that's when I left. I told myself I would protect you any way I could, that's why I started hunting Victoria. When she headed back, I came back too. Everyday I've thought about you, everyday I've hoped it's all been a lie and that we can be happy, be a family…" he trailed off, tears in his eyes. I had tears in my eyes too; I never realised that Jake would have accepted his baby. I wanted to tell him that I was carrying his son; I wanted to let him know everything. But I knew that if I did that then everything Edward and I had worked towards would have been lost.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could say, but it wasn't enough. I felt completely torn; I could tell Jacob the truth and have a normal life with him, and be happy, or I could continue to lie, and have a complicated existence with Edward. I wanted both, but deserved neither. Edward had remained silent throughout Jacob's speech, so I turned to look at him. He looked like he was in pain; maybe he realised that there was a chance I would chose Jacob. It was a remote chance, but it was still there. Everything feeling I had for Jacob, I had repressed over the past 8 months. I told myself that he didn't matter, but it was a lie and I knew it. I loved Jacob and by ignoring those feelings, I hadn't been dealing with them, and as such, I hadn't gotten over them.

"Bella, please, rethink this. I know you're off at college at the moment, but what about once the baby is born? It'll be half vampire, how are you going to manage that? Edward will be looking after it most of the time… Bella, please, come back to me once it's born. I'm sorry I can't offer to look after it, but that doesn't mean I can't look after you… Please, honey, I love you…"

"This isn't a conversation I should be here for; I'll let you talk alone. Call when you need me, if you need me. Remember Bella, I love you as well, forever." Edward kissed me gently then disappeared, leaving me and Jacob alone. I knew how much it hurt Edward to have to hear Jacob say all of that, and it hurt him even more that I didn't try to stop him. I could see my life with Jacob, and I wanted it. Badly. But I couldn't do.

"Jacob," I said, trying to stand up for the first time. Jacob helped me up, and I managed to keep myself standing without leaning on him. "You should know that I do love you, but it's not enough. It'll never be enough. I love Edward and I want to be with him. I'm so sorry… Jake, please don't go… Please!" I grabbed him with my good arm as he turned to leave. "Do you know what I'm going to call him? My son? Blake. It's a mixture of Bella and Jake. Because no matter what, I always want a part of you with me, and Blake will always remind me of you. But he'll never be the same as you. I want you, no; I need you in my life Jacob. Please don't leave me." He paused and then turned to face me.

"Every moment you are with that bloodsucker, I can never be with you. I can never be a part of your life. Because you choose the life that is my mortal enemy; you choose to make yourself an object of hatred through my wolf eyes. And don't call your son Blake, because I want no association with that monster." With that, he turned and ran, phasing mid-run. I waited alone, having just destroyed both parts of my life. I gently called Edwards name, and he came behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Are you sure this is what you want, love?" He asked, sounding unsure. I wasn't crying because none of it had really sunk in.

"Yes," I replied quickly. "I want to you be with, forever. Once the baby is born, I want you to turn me. I don't want to ever be away from you Edward." He nodded once, and kissed me. I heard a growl behind me and I turned to find myself face to face with Jacob's wolf form, who was growling at Edward. Edward stepped in front of me and crouched down in a protective stance. I didn't want them to fight, but there was nothing I could do. I watched in horror as Jacob lunged toward Edward, knocking him sideways onto the floor. Edward quickly pushed Jacob off him, sending him flying into a tree. I screamed for them to stop, and Edward turned to look at me, distressed by the pain in my voice. I saw Jacob open his mouth and go in for the killer jump towards Edward.

Thinking impulsively, I threw myself between Jacob and the love of my life. I felt the impact of Jacob's hot body on mine. I hit in the floor and the wind was knocked out of me. His teeth shut before they connected with my neck, but his claws ripped into my stomach. Soon he was off me, and I heard Edward's voice shouting my name faintly. I smelt blood, my blood. Concern for my unborn son was the last thought in my head before I blacked out.


	12. Anew

**A/N: Sorry about the delay in updates. I moved back out and I lost all inspiration to write, which sucked because I wanted to get this written down. The story was playing over and over in my head, but no words were good enough for it. Comment and review :) I own nothing.**

_Chapter song – Until the End – Breaking Benjamin_

_It's over, _

_No longer, _

_I feel it growing colder  
I knew this day would come to end, _

_So let this life begin._

Anew

For a long time, there was just darkness. It felt never ending, and I welcomed it. I couldn't hear anything, couldn't feel anything and couldn't see anything. I didn't think about where I was, so I wasn't scared. I somehow knew that it was the end for me, but I wasn't scared because I knew that I had saved Edward. I could remember everything with clarity, but I didn't want to. I was slowly shutting down, and cherishing every moment of it. For too long I had lived in the world of the supernatural, and I should have realised it would be the death of me. When Edward left, I should have been able to see that it was for the best. Instead I chased the fantasies of the supernatural realm and forfeited my life. However, I had no regrets. I just hoped that Edward had managed to save my son, even if he couldn't save me.

Suddenly, amongst the darkness, there was a bright light. I wondered if it was 'the light', shining from the other side. It was becoming brighter every second, and I could see Edward's face shining, calling to me. I couldn't hear what he was saying, and I tried to reach up to him.

That's when the pain started.

***

I knew that screaming wasn't going to help me, but it didn't stop me from trying. For a long time, all I could hear was my screams. They echoed in my head, even when I was silent. My whole body felt like it was on fire, but it just wasn't going out. No matter how much I moved around and thrashed, the flames remained. They were inside me, burning away at my core. I felt where the flames started, my neck, and I felt their progression throughout my body. I begged for it to stop, for someone to kill me, but all my wishes were ignored. I tried to find the darkness again, but it eluded me. There was no escaping this pain. While I still had the ability to, I cried tears of pain. But soon the fire reached my eyes and dried them up.

Once my whole body was alight, I stopped screaming. Not because it didn't hurt anymore, but because screaming made it hurt even more. There was a burning in my throat, a fire so intense, that I couldn't do anything but close my mouth and hope the lack of oxygen going into it would put it out. However, it just got worse. I wondered to myself if this was hell, because I couldn't imagine anything that could have a closer resemblance to hell. I was completely alone, without Edward and in so much physical pain I could barely think.

After a while, I got the capacity to think around the pain. I focused on other senses, and found that I could hear the people around me. At times I could hear Alice, at others Carlisle. But one person constantly stayed by my side: Edward. At least this wasn't hell; anywhere with Edward couldn't be hell. I focused on his breathing, and tried to count how long this was going on for. I had worked out by now what was happening, and knew it took three days. I didn't know how long I had been screaming for though, so I had no idea how long it'll take. I wanted to ask, but I as afraid to open my mouth as I felt I would end up screaming again.

"It's nearly over Edward," Alice said after I had counted to three million, two hundred thousand and fifty five. "She'll be awake soon, and she'll be stunning." I heard Edward snort. I couldn't blame him – how could anyone who's been burnt alive look 'stunning'?

"She's always been stunning Alice. I don't even think the word 'stunning' covers what she was like when she was human." It was funny how I could hear Alice roll her eyes behind Edward's back, and I let out a small smile. "Did you see that? She smiled!" There was a consequence of the smile; the fire rushed up to my face. It felt my toes and my feet, and was rushing upwards. There was a greater burn than before surrounding my throat and my chest. I let out a loud gasp, which quickly turned into a scream, when the fire reached my heart. Any pain I thought I had felt before was nothing in comparison to this. It was like a poison hitting my heart, both burning it with flames, while freezing it. I felt my heart racing, and I counted twelve beats before its final beat.

Everything had stopped. During the last assault by the venom, the Cullen's had gathered in whichever room I was in. Though I had heard them enter, not a single person was breathing. I wasn't breathing either. The silence was eerie, and I could hear everything. From the birds in the trees, to the cars on the freeway, everything was within hearing range for me. I opened my eyes and was shocked by what I saw. Everything was so _distinct_. I could see the paint lines on the ceiling, the filament on the bulb, and the different colours in the air when light refracted off of something. I could see the dust particles in the air as well, floating and finding places to settle. I turned by head to the side, and finally saw Edward.

He was much more perfect than I ever thought. His topaz eyes were different now, and I could see the subtle hint of green behind them. To a human eye, it's impossible to see, but for a vampire, its subtly was distinctive. I quickly looked at the other Cullen's, and saw their real eye colour for the first time. Alice had blue eyes, Jasper brown; Emmett was green eyed as was Rosalie. Both Esme and Carlisle were blue eyed in their previous life. I wondered if behind my blood red eyes the brown eyes from my previous life were still present. In awe, I turned back to Edward, and saw him smiling. Automatically, I smiled back. I sat up, and was shocked at the speed I was able to sit up with, but also shocked at the clarity of my vision regardless. I looked at Edward, straight in his green-like topaz eyes, and asked him the question that had been raging inside beside the fire for the whole transformation.

"Where is my son?" Each of the Cullen's looked at their significant other, and Edward's eyes stayed focus on me. There was sadness in them now. I started to panic and asked again when I felt the silence had gone on too long. "Where is Blake?"

"Bella… Maybe you should hunt first. You must be incredibly thirsty." Carlisle's word made the burn in my throat known for the first time, and it was true I was thirsty, but the need to know my son was okay was great. I shook my head and repeated the question.

"Where is he?" Edward placed his hand on mine, and I feared the worse.

"What do you remember, love?" he asked calmly. I tried to think back.

"Jacob and I had a fight. I thought Jake had walked away, and I asked you to change me once the baby was born. Jake must've heard, and come back. That's when he attacked you, and I threw myself between you…" Edward nodded sadly.

"His claws went straight into your stomach. You lost a lot of blood, and you lost more when we tried to get the baby out. We… we weren't fast enough Bella. I'm so sorry." He looked down, sadness and guilt plaguing his face. I felt numb. Every feeling I had, including thirst, just left. There was nothing inside of me, because my baby had died. I removed my hand from Edward's, and got up. I tried to find somewhere private to collapse, but I didn't make it very far. Within a few steps, the unbearable weight of what had happened fell on me, and I fell to the floor and crawled into a corner. And that's where I stayed.

***

"Carlisle, I'm worried about Bella." It was two days since I'd woken up, and I was still in the corner. I could hear everything that was going on in the house, and I could hear this conversation between Edward and Carlisle about myself. "It's been two days, and she's not left that corner. She's not spoken, moved or anything. She's not even feed yet!"

"Edward, she's grieving. It's to be expected," Jasper answered, rather than Carlisle. "She feels nothing except pain. She's not thirsty, she's not sad; she's not anything apart from numb. She feels as if her very soul has been ripped from her and murdered in front of her while she got what she wanted. Her guilt is there, even if she's not acknowledging it."

"It's a tragic thing to lose a child…" Esme whispered in a voice that held all the pain I should have been feeling. Jasper was right, naturally, but I just ignored it. Nothing mattered anymore. I had lost him, my son. There was nothing.

"How can I help her?" I heard Edward ask. There may have lost my son, but I hadn't lost Edward. There was nothing, nothing but Edward.

***

Everybody knew it was different today than before. I had remained in the corner for a week, but I decided it was time to accept and acknowledge the pain I was in. Jasper could feel the difference in my emotions, Alice had seen a vision of me moving, and I moved slightly in the corner for the first time. Edward was by my side, waiting, like always. I turned my head and focused on him. He looked like he did when I first saw him after he left. His eyes were black, hair a mess and there were darker purple bruises under his eyes. The green tints in his eyes showed nothing but worry for me. I wanted to smile and let him know that I was okay, but I couldn't.

"What's the story?" I asked lamely.

"We went walking into the forest with Jake to talk things through, and you went into premature labour. Neither one of us wanted to leave your side and get help, but there were complications and resulted in the baby being still born. You lost a lot blood, and that attracted bears. The bears attacked, and killed both you and myself. Jacob just got away in time."

"Won't they look for bodies?" Although Edward's story seemed likely, I wanted to make sure everything was thought of.

"Most probably, but the amount of blood left will conclude most definitely that you died. As for me… They'll find no physical evidence that I was there, but as I will disappear without a trace, they'll conclude I died as well."

"What about Charlie? How is he?"

"Grief stricken, obviously. We held your funeral yesterday. Charlie couldn't stop crying, but he understands that you are in a better place." His eyes were sad, and I grieved for myself and my father and friends. "Esme wanted you to know that if you wanted to talk, she's there for you. She lost a child herself when she was human, and she understands." I nodded, but knew I would never talk about this to anyone. I couldn't, because it was too much.

"When are we leaving?" I figured we all had to leave and move away, but I didn't know when or where too.

"Once you've hunted and we've decided a place to go. Do you want to go hunt now?" Edward asked. Although I was thirsty, it wasn't completely unbearable. Nothing like I thought it would be. I frowned, and Edward looked at me with questions in his eyes.

"I'm not that thirsty… Why aren't I like ordinary newborns?" Clearly I was going to be a freak, human or not.

"Maybe it's your gift; to shield yourself from the thirst. I'm not certain, but regardless, we should go hunt." I looked into his eyes, and knew he wanted to hunt, probably more than I did. I nodded.

"Once we've spoken to the others and decided where to go, we will hunt, I promise." I walked downstairs, and found them all sitting in the dining room waiting, having heard the entire conversation with Edward. I could see privacy was going to be an issue for me. I looked at my new family, and saw the same worried expression that I saw in Edward's eyes. "I'm fine," I said. It was a lie, and Jasper saw straight through it. I took a seat, and Edward sat next to me. I looked at Carlisle expectedly, and he started to talk.

"Okay, we need to think about where we want to move to. Any suggestions?"

"Go stay with the Denali clan."

"South America."

"Maine."

"Wisconsin!"

"Scotland," I piped up in a small voice. I don't know why I wanted to go there, but it seemed like a good place. It was cold, cloudy, and far away from Forks. The entire family turned to look at me.

"Scotland is a good idea, we've not been there before," Emmett said. "Go scare some Scottish people!"

"New hunting range as well. I'm for Scotland!" Jasper said, giving me a small smile which I tried to return.

"What do the rest of you say?" Carlisle asked. There as a mummer of agreement and nods. Only Rosalie looked upset by the choice, but everyone else was happy. "So, Scotland it is." With that, everyone got up and started to get ready to leave.

"Ready to hunt, love?" Edward whispered in my ear. I nodded, and took his hand. Together, we walked to the forest for my first hunt. With Edward by my side, I knew I could do anything, even put the death of my son behind me. I turned to Edward and smiled. Today was the first day of forever, and although the tragedy it took to get me here will always haunt me, today was the best day of my existence.

**A/N: And that's it for the story! There will be an epilogue (maybe uploaded tonight, if not, soon) which will lead into the sequel. I'm not American, so I don't know much about the weather, so I don't know if these places mentioned are gonna be any good for vampires to live, but I tried. Sorry if I failed xD **

**I hope you enjoyed the story, because I know I enjoyed writing it :)  
**


	13. Epilogue

**A/N: And this is honestly it. Story done. Ready for sequel :D (I was feeling inspired tonight, hence two updates XD) Watch this space.**

**I own nothing!  
**

JPOV

_Chapter Song – Surrender – Billy Talent_

_I think I found a flower in a field of weeds._

_Searching until my hands bleed,_

_This flower don't belong to me._

_I never had the nerve to ask:_

_Has my moment come and passed?_

Epilogue

It had been a year since Bella's 'death', and it still haunted me. I blamed myself for the whole thing, and just wished I had more control. After it happened, the whole pack blamed me for the heartache I caused Charlie, and it got quite bitter. It wasn't until Sam used his Alpha commands to stop the comments that I finally began to move on. It was my fault that Bella was now a vampire and was goodness knows where. There was only one consolation from the whole ordeal, and without it, I would have ran and not stopped a year ago.

I looked at the clock and saw it was 6am. It was about the time that Blake would be waking up. When I attacked Edward, and Bella got in the way, Bella lost a lot of blood and the baby had to be taken out. The baby was strong willed, and survived. I cleaned him of blood, and saw the dark russet coloured skin and I knew that everything I had hoped was true. Bella was never unfaithful to me, but for reasons unknown, she had lied about the paternity of the baby. But looking down at the beautiful baby boy, there was no doubt that the child wasn't my son. I looked up at Edward, and he stared back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It was what she wanted. But now I have to ask you, as the true Alpha in La Push, can I save Bella?" I looked down and saw that Bella was dying. She had lost too much blood, and without vampire venom, there was no way she could survive. I nodded, and watched in horror as Edward sunk his teeth into Bella's delicate skin. Using his clothes, he wrapped each wound up, and applied pressure to the stomach wound. Slowly, the blood stopped flowing, and the cuts began to heal themselves. After about half an hour, Bella had stopped bleeding, but that's when she started screaming. During the half hour silence, however, I quizzed Edward. I needed to know why Bella wanted this, and what we were going to do next.

"Why did Bella lie to me?" Edward just looked at me.

"You can ask her when she pulls through." That was the only answer he gave on her motivates and reasons, saying that it was better if I heard it from her.

"I'm not letting you take Blake." That stopped him dead, and he looked at me with sheer hatred in his eyes.

"You can't take away Bella's baby from her!" he all but screamed at me. I scoffed.

"He's my son too. And remember, Bella will be a blood thirsty, murderous vampire when she finally wakes up. Do you really want to risk the life of her only child in case she can't control herself?" I knew I had him there, because there was no way he would risk letting Bella hurt herself like that.

"She won't just let you take him, you know that. As soon as she wakes up and realises, she'll come down into La Push and demand him back." I thought this over, and was slow to respond.

"Not if she thinks he is dead…" Ironic, really, that she who did the lying was going to have to get the worst lie there was in the world. I didn't want to hurt Bella this way, but looking down at my son I knew I couldn't leave him. He had her eyes, and as long as he was with me, so would she be. Facially, he was the splitting image of Bella; her eyes, her nose and even her smile. He had my hair, and my colour to him. He was gorgeous. Everything I had hoped for, just in the completely wrong situation. He had been quiet since birth, but was starting to cry. I needed to go home and feed him. Or more, I needed to go home, explain the situation, get food and then feed him. It would be some time before he got food, and I didn't like that. Edward heard these thoughts of mine, and sighed.

"Fine, I'll lie to her and tell her that he died. When asked, a bear attacked. Both Bella and I died in the attack, okay? Now get out of here, before I change my mind. And Jacob, make sure you take good care of him. I don't want to risk Bella hating me for someone who won't look after him."

_Screw you, bloodsucker, as if I would hurt my own son,_ I screamed loudly in my head as I took off running home to La Push.

I stopped thinking about that day, and got out of bed. Everyone had accepted Blake, although no one could understand why Bella lied. Charlie was glad his grandson survived, even happier that he was mine. Smiling, I walked into the kitchen and started to prepare his breakfast. Blake would be spending the day with Charlie today. While waiting, I thought back to what happened when I arrived in La Push, and the following weeks…

***

I ran into my house, scaring Billy. I was covered in blood, and had a crying baby in my arms. I didn't know how to explain.

"He was mine, Dad." Understanding covered Billy's face as he looked down at Blake. He smiled, glad that everything had sorted out. That's when he saw the sadness and despair in my eyes.

"Son, what's wrong?"

"Bella. She… she didn't make it." I started to cry, knowing I'd have to explain that this was all my fault. Billy took hold of Blake, and I rushed out of the door to explain to the pack. I phased just as I got outside. I was meant to be on patrol, so no one was here with me. I howled, as loudly as I could, and within minutes I was joined by the pack. By the time we had coordinated, they knew everything.

There was silence, which with so many werewolves, was unusual. It was Sam who spoke first.

_Quil, go get some baby milk from Claire. Blake will be hungry. Embry, go inform the local police. Paul, Jared, go on patrol. Everyone else, go home. Jake… Come with me. _With that, he phased back, and I followed suit. He turned to face me, sympathy in his face. "No one blames you Jake," he said softly. At that point, I believed him. I broke down and cried to Sam, showing him my weakness. I had killed Bella, turning her into something I despised. I had caused so much heartache but I had no time to grieve, because I had to be strong for Blake. I heard a howl in the distance after about ten minutes, and Sam phased to see what it was. Quil had given the milk to Billy, and Blake was happily feeding. I nodded, and phased back and went back home. That's when I felt the anger towards me from some of the pack, and I knew it wasn't going to be okay.

Once I was back at home, the police came. They asked me questions, and I told them the lie. I took them into the woods where it happened, and they took blood samples. They followed the trail, but it lead them no where. Within a few days, it was concluded both Edward and Bella were killed by the bears. Hunters went hunting for the bear that did it, but it was never found. The doctor looked Blake over, and said he was in good condition and was able to stay at home. Charlie was devastated, and spent a lot of time with Billy, Blake and me. At Bella's funeral, Charlie fell to pieces, and the guilt became unbearable. Afterwards, I did leave for a bit. I gave Blake to Billy, and went away for two weeks, staying in wolf form. Sadly, that meant listening to each member of the pack hate on me for leaving, and in the end, I decided to come back and deal with the consequences. Since then, I'd been the perfect father for Blake, and did everything for him.

***

With breakfast ready, I went in to give it to Blake. He was already awake and smiling from his cot. He was standing up, holding on to the bars. He reminded me of Bella in everything he did. I had decided to tell him the truth about vampires and werewolves, because I couldn't see myself stopping phasing any time soon. And when the time came about his mother, I'd tell him a distorted version of the truth: that a vampire killed her. Because, at the end of the day, if it wasn't for Edward Cullen, I'd have my perfect family here in my arms, and everything would have been how I pictured months ago. As it was, I had a broken family, still recovering from the aftermath of his destructive path. The moment that Bella realises that Edward is no good for her, I will be there. Picking up my son, I vowed to myself that before I died, Edward Cullen would be no more.


End file.
